Wednesday, February 17, 2016

emotionz.

I get all emotional after I speak in front of groups like I did this morning at a MOPS thing. "Lord help me not to cry," I pray. And then there I go. Being humbled in the sight of the Lord. "Just let me look profesh, Lord." And God is all, "Ohhhh Kay! *wink wink. Get up there, Lady!"

Silly guy. But man, his grace makes those water works.

I will tell you what I love about the whole emotional process: the part where I cry in front of everyone while I tell the story of how God brought me real low to bring me real near. I don't cry because I am hurt by my husband. Truth talk: I used to cry about that lots. In front of others and in my bed at night. But now when I cry, it's because I'm talking about his mercy on me. His kindness to me in suffering.

Everybody hates suffering, but Jesus is in the dark places. I know I can't convince anyone to go there, you must be dragged there by grief. But I miss that place a lot, the spooning with Jesus in the cold bed. And when I tell people that story of how he made my marriage new, it's kind of like I get to go back there to that near place-- and for about 3 seconds, in front of everyone, I feel his overwhelming presence. Gosh, see. I'm crying again.

His nearness is good. I think the psalmist knew some things about the shadows of death.

When you've walked in those shadows, you know the great comfort. He did it for me then and he'll do it for me again in the situation I am up against today. Because the truth is,  the hard things never stop coming. They can't stop, because it's all messed up now, the world and the people in it. And I think they keep coming for us so we'll get lost again and need to remember there is a shepherd who is seeing and coming after us again. It's kind of beautiful to get lost and found all the dang time.

Anyway, it makes me weepy. And now I need a nap and a gentle beverage. What? Can I say that when it's 3pm on a weekday?

What I wanted to say really…in a million words… But I'm over at Jamie Ivey's blog writing about parenting and how I know all the things. And tips and rules. And I just know, we these 10 tips, you'll really go far. Jay Kay. I talk about how we do things mostly now that the gospel has gotten deep in our bones.
(here I am with jamie ivey and jessica thompson. after day drinking in austin)

Later.
Jami




2 comments:

  1. Love how real you are!!! - Kate (smalltownology.com)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Seriously can we skype you into our mops meeting in Reidsville NC? Amazing!!! jillhartley0505@gmail.com

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