Thursday, January 14, 2016

Laughing at the Future.

I don't know if I have to say this, but I guess you've noticed by now that words are important to me. I need to see them and put them down and hear them. Songs are like a buttoned up essay, prints on a wall talk to me all day, books too-when I can sit down for long enough- are the best conversations. The drawn out ones that need to be had.

I have this area of my office that is my official "vision board". I guess I thought this idea was really teenager-esque and rather Oprah-ish, so I ignored it. Even though I am visually stimulated and it makes my heart so happy. I resisted. Because I was too cool, as you have read about in previous posts.

Now that I am learning to untangle cynicism wrapped all over my heart, I decided to make one. As a visual person, as a words person, I need to see these things. It's a goals board for the type F (Far away from A) and so it just makes sense for me.

When I saw this print at Maker + Ink, I think I gasped.  She looks at the future and laughs. It is what I have been feeling in my heart about what is to come for this year. And all the years. I have been so fearful before, so protective. I have done things out of obligation and approval of others than because I am operating in my gifts. Not always, but a lot. I can only see this now looking back. Whoever can know exactly how tangled their heart is while in the midst? The heart is just so cavernous, so many hidden corners to hide in.


A little retrospection is good in this way. But it's not the disappointed kind of looking back. I am having a lot more compassion for the old me these days. The younger me. The less experienced me. Ah yes, one day she will see how harmful her cynicism is.  She is protecting. God will bring this out in her when she is ready. 

I just feel ready. I feel ready to really feel excited for something. I know this is gift, the feeling of expecting and hope. I thought that I missed it over Advent because I had a cloud of grief over me--not a  big one, but it was just there. And I wasn't feeling expectant or hopeful. Yet, God still came.

But now the hope is here, another kind of Advent, a post season expecting that God will show up like he said he would.  (And, hey, I know that everyone is in different places and so I hope you don't take this as how you should feel too. Please don't do that. We are walking different paths, with different obstacles and different timelines.) All that to say, this season I am in feels awkward but good. Like a first date with your future spouse. You are sweating a lot but you can't stop smiling.

I read a verse the other day in my study in Psalm 1. It said, "He is like a tree planted by streams of water, that yields fruit in its season. And its leaf doesn't wither. "
In its season. In its season. 
I roll this phrase around in my head over and over. All throughout the day. I ask it questions: Shouldn't the tree ALWAYS be bearing fruit? I answer myself. No that doesn't make sense. The apple tree bears fruit in one part of the year.  But even when it loses its leaves, it's still alive and still growing. It's still alive and thriving always. But the fruit comes in one part of the season. 

All day I talk to myself about fruit. What does that mean for me, God? Is this my fruit season? Is this the year when all the hard things, those storms, the droughts, the pruning, make way for the harvest? 
And I have butterflies in my stomach.

I am expectant that it is. It might just be. I like the idea of it and I sit here smiling, sometimes laughing as I stare into 2016. Feeling alive again is tremendous for a soul that has been weary for some years. I'm gulping it up and playing in it until it leaves me, whenever that next season ushers me away from this one.

So If you are wanting this print, or a couple of them, We're giving away a $100 credit!!… I mean, I can't even tell you how many good ones there are over at Maker + Ink,  ENTER HERE! And if If you want to order a couple of magical things, use code TRUTH15 for 15% off your order. 
(This one is in the girls room. It's sally lloyd-jones quote: God loves you with Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love.)


10 comments:

  1. I'm hoping and expecting and butterfly-filled right along with you, friend. And I have mulled that same passage over in my mind and heart for the past 2 years clinging tight to the truth that you don't have to be blooming to be growing. But this year I am ready to BLOOM in so many areas with the prayer ever on my lips that every bit of it point straight to the Creator.

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    1. yes. you don't have to be blooming to be growing. i love that.

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    2. I stole it from Ruth over at Gracelaced. But seriously, such truth.

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  2. Love this... In its season... Also loving that print in your girls's room ❤️

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  3. Yes ma'am. I totally get so much of this.

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  4. I absolutely love this. I live a life full of fear. Fearful of the future. But lately ive seen how much God has placed into my life. I see that he has a vision for me, and I am running with it. If he is for me nothing can be against me right ? I have to order one of these frames and place it right above my desk where i study. For days when i forget God is with me and hes got great plans !!

    Thanks for sharing !

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  5. Jami, although we don't have to feel this way, I do. And, reading your words expresses my heart! I am giddy with hope.
    Your sister from Big A,
    Virginia

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  6. So much good meat in this post! I haven't been by in a while and if I were your friend IRL, I'd ask you so many questions about your recent revelations. I had a year like this last year {God showing me things in the dark places of my heart I never knew were there} and am coming out of the fog with a resolved hope for the future. I can relate so much. Thank you for the words of "in its season." So thought provoking...

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  7. I'm sharing in your joy and hope for this season for you Jami! Excited to see what our God does. Question: I am looking for a male version of your blog for my cousin who recently started His faith journey. I am so encouraged by the truth and realness of blogs like yours, and "WifeySinger" and others. Do you know of any men that have resources like this that would speak to a guy? Thank you for any help you can give!

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  8. Wow this is great! Thank you so much for sharing :)

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