I have this area of my office that is my official "vision board". I guess I thought this idea was really teenager-esque and rather Oprah-ish, so I ignored it. Even though I am visually stimulated and it makes my heart so happy. I resisted. Because I was too cool, as you have read about in previous posts.
Now that I am learning to untangle cynicism wrapped all over my heart, I decided to make one. As a visual person, as a words person, I need to see these things. It's a goals board for the type F (Far away from A) and so it just makes sense for me.
When I saw this print at Maker + Ink, I think I gasped. She looks at the future and laughs. It is what I have been feeling in my heart about what is to come for this year. And all the years. I have been so fearful before, so protective. I have done things out of obligation and approval of others than because I am operating in my gifts. Not always, but a lot. I can only see this now looking back. Whoever can know exactly how tangled their heart is while in the midst? The heart is just so cavernous, so many hidden corners to hide in.
A little retrospection is good in this way. But it's not the disappointed kind of looking back. I am having a lot more compassion for the old me these days. The younger me. The less experienced me. Ah yes, one day she will see how harmful her cynicism is. She is protecting. God will bring this out in her when she is ready.
I just feel ready. I feel ready to really feel excited for something. I know this is gift, the feeling of expecting and hope. I thought that I missed it over Advent because I had a cloud of grief over me--not a big one, but it was just there. And I wasn't feeling expectant or hopeful. Yet, God still came.
But now the hope is here, another kind of Advent, a post season expecting that God will show up like he said he would. (And, hey, I know that everyone is in different places and so I hope you don't take this as how you should feel too. Please don't do that. We are walking different paths, with different obstacles and different timelines.) All that to say, this season I am in feels awkward but good. Like a first date with your future spouse. You are sweating a lot but you can't stop smiling.
I read a verse the other day in my study in Psalm 1. It said, "He is like a tree planted by streams of water, that yields fruit in its season. And its leaf doesn't wither. "
In its season. In its season.
I roll this phrase around in my head over and over. All throughout the day. I ask it questions: Shouldn't the tree ALWAYS be bearing fruit? I answer myself. No that doesn't make sense. The apple tree bears fruit in one part of the year. But even when it loses its leaves, it's still alive and still growing. It's still alive and thriving always. But the fruit comes in one part of the season.
All day I talk to myself about fruit. What does that mean for me, God? Is this my fruit season? Is this the year when all the hard things, those storms, the droughts, the pruning, make way for the harvest?
And I have butterflies in my stomach.
I am expectant that it is. It might just be. I like the idea of it and I sit here smiling, sometimes laughing as I stare into 2016. Feeling alive again is tremendous for a soul that has been weary for some years. I'm gulping it up and playing in it until it leaves me, whenever that next season ushers me away from this one.
So If you are wanting this print, or a couple of them, We're giving away a $100 credit!!… I mean, I can't even tell you how many good ones there are over at Maker + Ink, ENTER HERE! And if If you want to order a couple of magical things, use code TRUTH15 for 15% off your order.
(This one is in the girls room. It's sally lloyd-jones quote: God loves you with Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love.)