Wednesday, March 11, 2015

writing and stuff.

oh hai.

ya. i know. i've been all quiet on the blog. i sometimes wonder if blogs are a thing of the past because of instagram and twitter and all the other quick things we have that keep us in touch.

but i know blogs are good for one thing -and that's writing. sometimes i write blogstagrams because it's more convenient. but this space is where i actually learned how to write. i didn't have to worry about capitalizing things and saying words all pretty. i didn't have to reference a thesaurus to find a bigger better word for what i was trying to say…i just wrote. i love that quote by ernest hemingway:

“My aim is to put down on paper what I see and what I feel in the best and simplest way.”

I think there's a lot of flowery christian writing out there and it's popular. so sometimes it crosses my mind that i should be more THAT. but i can't. and i won't. it's not my voice and it's not for me. 

i learned that here in this space. i had a unique voice and i didn't need to write like i learned how to in college or how i felt pulled by popular styles.  i would just start writing and the strangest things that had been sitting around in my soul would just fall out. I would re read that black on white and i think, i can't believe that was in there. i guess the internets would say i am a verbal processor and writing allowed me to take a moment to think about something other than whatever i was knee deep in for that life stage. i was a mom, covered in spit up and was wiping behinds for the better part of the day but i had things to say.  i was learning about life and God and things really hurt me and really encouraged me and i needed some place to put those thoughts.  I wanted the theology discussions and chatter but felt like it was a man's world, with resources geared towards men (think: crafting at MOPS as opposed to men's hefty theological book study at 6 am in the morning).

(please enjoy pruett's eyeline in the first picture. whatcha' looking' at buddy?)

and so i wrote. i was in there and i had things to say and things to think about and i liked discussing it with women in my same life stage. ( 'member when we used to comment on blogs? hashtag takes too much time.)

and i'm so very glad that i did.  the past me preaches to the present me. the past me tells me how much i've changed and grown. the past me helps this me remember that life is always changing and it's best not to hold tight to rigid judgements and ungraceful words. i did that all on the internet in front of people and i fell down and got up and did those things 100 more times. it was and is so good to be a blogger in this day and age, i don't care what anyone says.

now, i've moved in a new direction.  i am writing a book. a real long book. not essays, like my natural leaning. it's more of a marriage memoir and it is challenging me so much. i hate being challenged. ugh. but the uncomfortable is where i grow the most and where some of (read: ALL OF)my richest life experiences have taken place. so i'm trusting the process.

i may get picked up by a publisher and i may just self publish. who even knows at this point.  book-type people are looking at some chapters and it makes me very nervous. it's one thing to write something and hit publish. it's another to write your heart and soul and hear, this isn't for us. or can you change this this and this? or  this is too bold for christian marketing. 

i have time to figure this all out because i'm not even stinking halfway through. but. i just thought if i keep saying that i'm going to do it, i will have to just do it. because i told you i would. and a lot of the days, i just want to quit because it's a hard story. it's not a funny story. and i would much rather be funny than serious. but alas, for now, these are the words that need to be penned. it's a good story where everything that was broken and dead gets new life again. and those are the stories i can read over and over again.

with that said. will you all pray for me? to not be discouraged and to keep walking ahead in sometimes what feels like a really dimly lit path.
and just thank you for sticking with me all these years. i know i'm not your typical blogger with a schedule and all that. but it means the world to me. i feel like a lot of us have grown up together. or something deep. but haven't we a little?
lulz.
xoxox

36 comments:

  1. I think this is the first time I've said hello, though I've been reading for awhile (sorry about that). I just wanted to say good for you, on the book! I'm working on a book right now too, and I know it's hard, very hard. I'll be looking forward to reading yours.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you'll have to tell me when you're done writing yours!!

      Delete
  2. This is also my first comment, even though I've been following for some time. Hashtag: mahbad ;-) So I'll keep it simple -- praying for you. Love your honesty and quite frankly, your sense of humor makes me pee my pants laughing (three kids later). Hugs from San Diego.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Aww thanks for still writing. It's not void. I completely appreciate it. Your wit, your realness, and how you love God. And your dance moves.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Amazing. Love all of this! And congrats on the beginning of this book adventure! So excited for you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm not sure I know how to pray, but I'll do my best to say a prayer for you. I've followed your blog for several years now and it helped save me and my marriage. I didn't even know blogs were a "thing" when I found yours. I remember being shocked and beyond grateful that you put yourself out there the way you did with your truth because I needed that. I needed to know I wasn't alone. I emailed you asking for help thinking my words would go into outer space and never be answered, but that's not what happened. You answered me and you helped me. You pointed me in the right direction when I didn't know where to look and to this day I don't know that I would be here if it weren't for you. Your courage and your story helped me and I will be forever grateful for that.
    I wish you all the best with your book and I can't wait to read it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hooray for a book! The world needs your story Jami. I'm finishing up my MFT (marriage and family therapy degree) and counseling couples IN YOUR SITUATION. I would love to be able to refer your story to them…that they CAN make their marriage work after an affair. Praying for you friend!! xoxo Katie

    ReplyDelete
  7. You can do it!! Praying for you!

    ReplyDelete
  8. :) can't wait to read--and I always love reading here! I keep thinking I want to have an "analog" blog--where there are no pictures or fancies allowed just words.

    ReplyDelete
  9. "for God's gifts and his call are irrevocable"-Rom 11:29. He's prepared you and made you for this work. Praying for A super natural dose of courage, self control and inspiration. Remember, over and over again in the NT, Paul said "we spoke BOLDLY". Not prettily or even well, but boldly. We have enough flowery writers. We need bold.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are always my angel encourager. And you make me cry.

      Delete
  10. Jami,

    I am a fellow Redeemer-goer (though I found your blog long before I made the connection) and have been reading your blog for the past 5 1/2 years. Two Friday's ago I found myself reading through your old posts for about two hours, rejoicing in where Jesus has brought you. And as I found myself recalling not only your circumstances, but my own as I read each post originally, I also able to rejoice for what Jesus has done in me too. There's something that blogging does to create substantive landmarks....for both the writer and the reader. It creates stakes that we can look back on and remember where we have come. It marks steps towards growth. You gave me hope that God uses all things for us when I didn't know how to believe in it and you made me laugh when I was taking life too seriously, though you didn't even know you were doing it....obviously because you don't know me. Your presence has been monumental and incredibly life-altering. I am so grateful for you.

    Emilie

    ReplyDelete
  11. commenting does take too long, especially when my comments don't post and i have to rewrite LOL.

    praying for you. (all the time!)
    so thankful for your voice and your obedience in using it for god's glory.
    never stop talking and writing about what he's done for you. past IS a lens for the future! fuel to hope; hope that yes! god does keep his promises.

    i love you so much. (you don't even know!)
    also. don't forget me when you're famous town.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Jami your story does need to be told in a way that can reach more people. Our stories are different, but you have encouraged me during some hard times in my marriage as well as these early days of parenthood (I found you shortly before I was pregnant with my first in 2012 and I'm not expecting our second). A thousand thank yous and prayers for you to stay steadfast in your determination to share hope and grace with others through telling your story.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I can't wait to read it, but I really LOVE hearing about the process too.
    Thinking about you and praying for freedom and truth of words.
    #commentingisso2009

    ReplyDelete
  14. Jami, I can't wait to read your book. You are the first blogger I started following and you're right, it does feel like we've grown up together. We're on different sides of the world but going through this parenting journey with the same age kids at the same time, watching yours grow up over the years through photos on my screen makes me feel like I know you. Thank you for the encouragement you have been and for using your voice. Will be praying and investing in the hard copy on completion.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Jami,
    I have not been very good at commenting (lame!) and have been guilty of soaking up all of your encouragement and wisdom, all the while forgetting that even the most amazing wisdom-ous ladies need it reciprocated back at times too. I have followed your blog for a while now and have encouraged countless others to take advantage of your posts along the way. I am SO excited to hear that you have a book in the works. Your words have pierced my heart over and over again. This is how He makes beauty from ashes. Glorious, Jesus-soaked beauty from the hardest, darkest hours of life. The raw-ness of your words bleed Jesus. And I hold this page dear to my heart. I pray that more women and men find their voice whilst loosing their pride so that we can be made less of and He can be made more of. Thankful for you. And you better believe I will be snatching the first round of that book off the shelf when it comes out!

    ReplyDelete
  16. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  17. will be praying, friend. we are all looking forward to it....don't listen to that old devil. for he surely knows that when your book does publish- it will save lives, marriages, and ultimately families. xoxo shana

    ReplyDelete
  18. What you write is always worth reading because it's real and you point to Jesus, so the "schedule" isn't an issue. I appreciate you and am excited for your book.

    ReplyDelete
  19. What you write is always worth reading because it's real and you point to Jesus, so the "schedule" isn't an issue. I appreciate you and am excited for your book.

    ReplyDelete
  20. First time commenter! A sister in Christ is praying for you from Texas.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Ahhh, so that's where you've been. :) Thanks for the update and for letting us know how to pray. God is and will do mighty things through you!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Laying here in the hospital room waiting for the doctor to come break my water, and just thankful for your voice. You are helping us have courage, helping us be braver than we feel

    ReplyDelete
  23. Laying here in the hospital room waiting for the doctor to come break my water, and just thankful for your voice. You are helping us have courage, helping us be braver than we feel

    ReplyDelete
  24. gosh, for a minute there i thought you were saying goodbye to blog land and got a little panicky. i've been hanging out here for a couple years and always feel like i come away with something to think about. you have helped me see my need for the gospel daily. i used to see it as the way to salvation and am coming to slowly grasp how it saves me every day. so thanks for sharing your heart. btw. i laughed and laughed and laughed at your crazy town post after having pruett. and said oh dear. i'm expecting number two in may and believe this calm house might be shaken up a bit. hugs to you.

    ReplyDelete
  25. past me can be a real pain in my ass. sometimes I wish she would leave me alone and let me wallow in my worry and doubt but she insists on reminding me of his faithfulness and plans. damn her. anyway, I'm here, reading and commenting and praying. I'm so excited for you. I know we are virtual strangers and I'm sure you have plenty of real life friends but I would love to proof read your book. from a technical standpoint. I love those kind of things. either way, can't wait to read. you gots this. (emoji fists)

    ReplyDelete
  26. Prayers for you as you step into the unknown with the One who knows all.

    ReplyDelete
  27. *I just wrote out this big long comment and then posted it and it disappeared. Please mourn with me for a moment!*
    Let's try this again. Whenever I have been asked to share my testimony or what the Lord is doing in my life right now my first reaction is usually "no way!". As I pray for courage, peace, inspiration, the right words I am always reminded that it isn't actually my story. It's God's story. He wants us to boldly share the stories that He has entrusted us with all for His glory. I believe that you have a great gift of reaching people with your words exactly where they are at. You continue to point us to Jesus. You keep your eyes firmly on Him. I can't help thinking about all the people you have blessed through this blog and get so excited when I think about all the others you could reach through your book. So, I am praying that you would be filled with confidence as you write. Confidence in your words, confidence in the story you have been given, confidence that you are making a difference. I am also praying that you have peace about this, that the Lord would give you the perfect words, that you would be bold as you go through this process. We need bold people in our life to tell us the things that are not easy to hear. Be blessed dear one, you are shining bright for the Lord.

    ReplyDelete
  28. The world needs your story and I cannot wait to read your words. I have really enjoyed your blog and your honesty and I'm certain God will do mighty things in the hearts of his people through your willingness to be vulnerable. Prayers and encouragement to you!

    ReplyDelete
  29. You are so loved! Look at all these comments from people who's lives you have impacted with your words...I will add to that. I only had one baby (now i have 3) when I found your blog and I have soaked up every word since. Thank you for shining your light and praising Jesus. We need more people and writers like you. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  30. So much of what you write is what's in my heart and mind. I always come check in to get a dose of truth and wisdom. Honesty and grace put together is such a good thing. Thankful for you and Gods story through you. Can't wait to read more in book form, blog form, insta form, it's all real and it's all meaningful to me and so many.

    ReplyDelete
  31. looking forward to my advanced copy. #notkidding #mailmeoneorelse #missyou

    ReplyDelete
  32. Just wanted to say I personally am getting away from FB and I love blogs. I love your blog especially. I don't think I've ever commented but please keep writing. Thanks for always sharing what's in your heart.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Thanks for writing, Jami. You are stinking hilarious!!!! And the Holy Spirit totally speaks to you and through you! God has brought you out of death to proclaim His goodness and GRACE!!!! Be bold without fear because He wants to shine through you.

    "I shall not die but live and declare the glory of the Lord." Psalm 118:17

    I am praying for you. May we, your blog readers, hold up your arms like Moses' as you fight the battle against all the ugly God has brought you through and is bringing you through. xoxox

    God has given you and Nato an amazing, God-glorifying story. Satan doesn't want you to tell it. So, go kick him in the face! Proclaim the glory of the Lord! HE is winning in your life!!!

    ReplyDelete

leave a message after the beep.