partly because i'm exhausted and raw from the weekend at hopespoken. conferences are not restful for me, they are work. good work. work i want to be doing, but nonetheless. i am completely uncomfortable most of the time for reasons listed below:
public speaking.(sweating through armpit pads ... it's possible! fun fact)
crowds.(hey, remember how i'm an introvert that everyone thinks is an extrovert?)
donuts everywhere. (i'm constantly conflicted. don't eat a donut. eat the donut. eat another donut? how many donuts is too many to eat in, say, the span of one hour? who has watched me eat the last donut so that i know not to get a donut in front of them next time.)
hotel "sleeping". or lack thereof. (are hotels for sleeping or just a place for your stuff. i'm not quite sure yet.)
pregnancy. (why does it look like my legs have elephantitis . oh, because who sits down much at a conference? who's face retains water? mine. hashtag ALLTHEFLUID)
(for the record, hannah laughed at all my jokes)
listen, all of this sounds like complaining, but what i'm trying to say is that it's hard for me. and this is where i am called. sharing stories of redemption in my marriage and in the bible, and telling people that Jesus is the only thing that makes this life worth living. that is good news. not law and rules and advice and waking up in the morning and doing better. the cross. the blood. do you know that God sees you as perfect--because he sees Jesus, not you. i love telling people that. i could tell people that all day long because the message of the Gospel never gets old or tired.
i'm getting old and tired(and large). but in that, God uses my weakness and all my awkwardness and all the things that make me uncomfortable and turns them for his glory. i am incredibly thankful for that.
(they put the pregos on the end to make themselves feel better. rude)
so when i took this cute cross stitch out, i thought, yes. my body is tired, but my soul is singing today. i felt most restful at hopespoken when the lights were turned down and we're just singing together about how God is our only hope. i have always felt such a connection to music, typically with secular music (don't tell anyone). i can hear the songs he sings to his people on the radio anytime i want, on any station. a lot of times it's a man or woman singing to his or her love interest making ridiculous promises they can never keep. but to me i hear God singing those promises.
(no real transition)
anyway, i didn't get to hear most of the talks while i was there-- but can't wait to listen to them online so i can learn more from those incredible women and where they saw Jesus in their story. and as much as conferences are uncomfortable for me, meeting so many of you was incredible and something i won't forget anytime soon. all these stories God is weaving for good! he's one creative guy.
(please note that in the first picture, emily is making a heart shape sign on my belly. awkward pregnancy photos are my fave. also, to the right, my dolphin jump i've been really working on finally paid off)
anyway, i'm going to put my sweat pants back on and just lay on the couch, while i stare at a white wall. for 2 to 3 weeks. someone just bring me a chocolate now and again and make sure i'm breathing and that lila hasn't found my stash of permanent markers and drawn an entire family (including extended family) of "spiders" all over the couch again.
thanks for listening to me process! ramblings in hot pink stretchy pants at my messy desk feels nice on this sunny monday morning.