Monday, October 14, 2013

people, he loves you.

i sat in church this sunday and cried about 15 times. i didn't t know why i was so soft , but God made it so. surely so i could hear these sweet words spoken by God through from jerry root, a professor at Wheaton college.

i knows it's because i have really been struggling these past 3 weeks with sugar. for some reason, i have been eating it more than on sundays. like eating something very sweet almost every day.
i have had some zits return.
really painful canker sores in my mouth.
really heavy last period.
and some bad mood swinging.

sometimes when i look at the chocolate, i think, this is slavery. and i still eat a piece. it is painful to not be able to will what you want in the moment. tomorrow i will do better.
and tomorrow comes and i can't do better. in fact, i did worse.
and so it brings shame to me.

because i was resting in my own strength, somewhere a long the line. i believed it was my willpower that was getting me through. and then 3 weeks later, i sit in my sin, unable to change. i'm not over sugar!
but i wasn't repenting because i can do better. when you don't need a savior, you don't repent. and when you skip over the cross and move right into penance (trying to make it right by doing better), your sin will come back over and over and over again, never changing.

what do i do then? in the waiting?
be still and wait for the Lord.
do i keep sinning?
is it really sinning to eat sugar? i hear in my head.
i agree. ya! is it really a sin? 

and then i remember how miserable i am. the slavery of needing something. the feeling that this addiction is bigger than God. in this moment, when i wake up from my nap and want chocolate, this is when i say, God is small and chocolate is big!

and the answer is, maybe eating sugar is not sin for you. but for me, i was called to be obedient in something.
not because God is mean or He is trying to help me be a better person.
but because it is harmful for me.
i see a protecting father saying, that will hurt you. come to me. i have what you're looking for.

i was soft at church on sunday because i felt desperate and weak and tired again and i needed a savior. and even though my sin is dark and perhaps silly to others (it's just sugar for heaven's sake!), it brought about shame and despair for me.

and yet He does not let me sit there. He gently lifts me back up and says, i love you. my anger is not for you, because you're covered by the blood. my anger was there at the cross, it went to Jesus so that you wouldn't have to bear it. come back and sit in it's shadow. 
he loves you.
he loves you.
he loves you.

it's unbelievable, isn't it? but he does. it is good news for me, who's merit isn't dependent on her good deeds or bad deeds, but on his goodness and perfection. it's unbelievable that he uses my sin to show me more of himself... he turns even that around for His glory. that he says i don't have to hide my sin, because that's where he's made perfect. i can tell the internets and not be ashamed. i can freely admit that i can't go an hour without needing his mercy.

so today, i'm praying for God to help me change. not because i can do it but because He asked me to do it and he is faithful to complete the good work in me. leaning on him, every hour for his grace to see me through to the next day.

go listen to that sermon and let it wash over you.
good. news.

31 comments:

  1. YES. hallelujah. can't wait to soak up this sermon.

    love you so.

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  2. i went to wheaton college. jerry root is pretty awesome.

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  3. Leaning heavily on that grace myself today. So far I have not been asked to give up sugar but it would be a struggle - a big one -for me. Praying your days get easier and that God continues to reside, in wonderful ways ,in your soft heart.

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  4. I listened to the sermon. As if are pizza on my no carb detox. And bawled my eyes out. Thanks for the link:)

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  5. I listened to the sermon. While failing at the detox I'm on. Apparently I'm no match against pizza. Oh and also, I bawled, too. Thanks for the link:)

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    Replies
    1. ugh. i know. i'm right there with you!

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  6. This hits so close to home. It's not sugar for me, but it is having faith and letting go of control. He loves us no matter how many times we fail. What a glorious truth.

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  7. thank you for this. so much.

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  8. ahhhhhhhhhhh...yes.
    i am right there. right now.

    xo

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  9. I'm not a hugely religious person, but this spoke volumes to me. Thank you for sharing. Think I'll check out that sermon now.

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    Replies
    1. i'm not hugely religious either. but i love Jesus and i want to know him more. and from what i understand of God, that's all he's concerned about.

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  10. I simply wanted to say "Thank You".

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  11. Jami! this was lovely in every way. I am so thankful I came across because it spoke directly to what I am struggling with and learning in this long, precious walk. You are a treasure!
    love in Christ,
    Iman

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  12. hi jami... i really really like your posts on your relationship with God and would love to share them with friends. so, i have a question... if i were to try to find more posts on the topic, how would i do that? i have tried to search in your search engine, but unless i know the phrase or word you used to label them, it doesn't work, ya know? did you used to have a topic search in the margin? just wondering if you could help me with that.. thanks so much.

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    1. under each post there is a little thing that says LABELS. if you click on "thoughts about god" under this post, all my posts where i talk about spiritual stuff will be pulled up.
      if you look under a food post, the label will be recipes...click on that and you'll get all the recipes. i hope that makes sense!

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  14. Great post. <3 Thank you for sharing.

    http://thriftarchives.blogspot.com/

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  15. "and when you skip over the cross and move right into penance (trying to make it right by doing better), your sin will come back over and over and over again, never changing"
    So, I'm quoting you back to you. But man did this hit my heart. It's basic stuff. I know this stuff. But I needed to hear it again. And I needed to hear the the sweet marriage of grace and obedience that produces hope in my heart, rather than more slavery. Thank you.

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    1. we forget Jesus. all the time. we think that we know it all and we don't. listen to that sermon...he talks about forgetting.

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    2. I listened. It moved me. No one has ever made me tear up over Biblical genealogy before.

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  16. thank you for this! i too have been weepy lately...cause life seems to good to be true. my heart is full with the blessings in my life and i have come to the realization that when i stop thinking about myself i have such a HUGE capacity to think about others. your words are so resonating with me today. also thank you for your miley cyrus instagram picture, it was very inspiring for me and shifted the way i listen to that song.

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  17. "it's unbelievable that he uses my sin to show me more of himself... he turns even that around for His glory."

    this. right here. i am overwhelmed by the fact that He does not leave us to wallow in our sin. He is the Refiner and the Holy Spirit convicts us of our sin. not so that we will live in shame, but so we will realize our continual need of a Savior. so He can glorify Himself through our weaknesses--DESPITE our weaknesses.

    why He chose to create us, to rescue us, to love us i will never understand. but i know that i am humbled and in awe of our God who has chosen to clothe us in His righteousness so He can be with us. wow. just wow.

    i will give that sermon a listen when i have more time.

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  18. LOVED this post. Quick note: you typed canCer instead of canKer and I almost FREAKED out thinking that when you eat sugar, your body responded by giving you cancerous sores in your mouth!!! :)

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    Replies
    1. elll ohh elllll. that's a horribly misleading typo!

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  19. Oh my gosh--- I am SO struggling with this too. Every. Single. Day. I keep making excuses for myself. "I work out all the time, so I DESERVE to treat myself-- which is true some times, but not EVERY day!!!! We should hold each other accountable :) Will be listening to the sermon for sure!

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  20. I have read and re-read this post, and teared up and re-teared up (lol) countless times since the day it was first posted. Thank you for your transparency allowing me to be convicted of my own shortcomings.

    I listened to the sermon and I was so moved by it all "His love keeps reminding us that we are a part of a great love story"; no matter how many times I fall, how many times I promise to do better tomorrow, His love surrounds me like a flood. And through you He has reminded me once again that I must strive for better "because He asked me to do it and He is faithful to complete the good work in me"

    Thank you.

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  21. I have read and re-read this post, and teared up and re-teared up (lol) countless times since the day it was first posted. Thank you for your transparency allowing me to be convicted of my own shortcomings.

    I listened to the sermon and I was so moved by it all "His love keeps reminding us that we are a part of a great love story"; no matter how many times I fall, how many times I promise to do better tomorrow, His love surrounds me like a flood. And through you He has reminded me once again that I must strive for better "because He asked me to do it and He is faithful to complete the good work in me"

    Thank you.

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