hey-o! i took the summer off from blogging, basically. were you so worried?
no, because you were doing summery things too.
so ya, i'm going to start blogging again. just so you know.
was that transition mind blowing? i'm a little rusty from not writing in a while.
let me tell you what we've spent most of our time contemplating and pursuing this summer:
literally moving 20 minutes across the state line to a better school district for lila, who has special needs. she is very delayed in speech and cognition and has been diagnosed with apraxia (at the least). although she's made huge strides this last year, she has a ways to go to catch up. if she ever does.
but guess what? we're not moving without a good old fashioned fight. can lila thrive where we're at? do we have to leave our community? we love the city and we love what's happening here, even though it looks like a hot mess sometimes.
so yes, our public school district is terrible. but there are some amazing charter schools. we're touring them. talking with teachers.getting more information.
keeping our community with an open hand, but trying to fight for it. God is teaching us something about making plans.
making lots of plans. then watching them crumble.
saying we will stay here forever! then facing leaving.
saying we need this for our child to do well! then rethinking what that looks like.
we don't know what will happen. we might stay and we might go. but God is not only in one place and in one community. He is not kept in a box but i keep trying to put him in... and tie a bow around it. then like jack in the box, he explodes out and surprises me. every time. i'm just jamming to the sweet, soothing music of regular life, then BAM! oh hey, God. what are you doing in there?! ohhhh, i smooshed you down in there and closed the top. my B.
it's such a struggle when change becomes so personal. i sing, trust in the Lord. i tell it to others.
and then God says, do you trust me with her? your daughter?
do you trust me with your location?
with your community?
things that are precious to me. what about those things you've put away on the top shelf?
so we sit and wait. not knowing what our future will look like but knowing that God is there and he is the reward. not a good school or a good community. He, himself.
not He, himself AND ___________.
what is your fill in the blank?
that is what i'm sitting with these days. what i've pondered over the summer. it is a huge thought with wild implications for my life. and lots of repentance.
i have missed writing about thoughts swirling in my head. they need a place to be nailed down to.