Tuesday, August 27, 2013

He, Himself.

hey-o! i took the summer off from blogging, basically. were you so worried?
no, because you were doing summery things too.

so ya, i'm going to start blogging again. just so you know.
was that transition mind blowing? i'm a little rusty from not writing in a while.

let me tell you what we've spent most of our time contemplating and pursuing this summer:
 moving.

literally moving 20 minutes across the state line to a better school district for lila, who has special needs. she is very delayed in speech and cognition and has been diagnosed with apraxia (at the least). although she's made huge strides this last year, she has a ways to go to catch up. if she ever does.

but guess what? we're not moving without a good old fashioned fight. can lila thrive where we're at? do we have to leave our community? we love the city and we love what's happening here, even though it looks like a hot mess sometimes.
so yes, our public school district is terrible. but there are some amazing charter schools. we're touring them. talking with teachers.getting more information.
keeping our community with an open hand, but trying to fight for it. God is teaching us something about making plans.

making lots of plans. then watching them crumble.

saying we will stay here forever! then facing leaving.
saying we need this for our child to do well! then rethinking what that looks like.

we don't know what will happen. we might stay and we might go. but God is not only in one place and in one community. He is not kept in a box but i keep trying to put him in... and tie a bow around it. then like jack in the box, he explodes out and surprises me. every time. i'm just jamming to the sweet,  soothing music of regular life, then BAM! oh hey, God. what are you doing in there?! ohhhh, i smooshed you down in there and closed the top. my B. 

it's such a struggle when change becomes so personal. i sing, trust in the Lord. i tell it to others.
and then God says, do you trust me with her? your daughter?
do you trust me with your location?
with your community?
things that are precious to me. what about those things you've put away on the top shelf?

so we sit and wait. not knowing what our future will look like but knowing that God is there and he is the reward. not a good school or a good community. He, himself.

not He, himself AND ___________.
what is your fill in the blank?

that is what i'm sitting with these days. what i've pondered over the summer. it is a huge thought with wild implications for my life. and lots of repentance.

i have missed writing about thoughts swirling in my head. they need a place to be nailed down to.

16 comments:

  1. Glad you're back, happy to pray for you in this. I taught for a few years, so I know the special needs gaps. It's tough!

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  2. "but God is not only in one place and in one community. He is not kept in a box but i keep trying to put him in... and tie a bow around it". Amen to that! Sometimes living "out south" feels a lot less exciting and romantic but God is moving in these neighborhoods too, no doubt. Just ask my neighborhood bunco gals. YES, I go to bunco! Have you touched base with the Lee Ann Britain center? Annie is a peer student there this year and they are a tremendous resource...may have info on Missouri schools?? If not, I'd be willing to trade you houses. ;)

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  3. gahhh - I know the struggle well. Our Mareto also has a diagnosis of apraxia (along with his autism, hyperlexia, and spd). He was supposed to start going to a special preschool this year but his doctor and therapists came to the final decision this summer that he's not ready. Now we're looking at a possible move in January and my #1 concern is what schools are available for him, therapy centers, and doctors. It just adds a whole 'nother element to choosing a home and neighborhood. ugh praying for you guys!!!

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  4. Finally! Glad you are back... it was a long summer.

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  5. Thanks for sharing Jami! I love reading your blog and learning from the way you process life. :) This was such a helpful reminder that God is the reward! Hubby and I are in the process of adopting two kiddos with special needs, so I hear ya with making "plans." Through the waiting we have had to remember that bringing these kids into our home isn't even the ultimate end goal- that the ultimate goal is more of Jesus.

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  6. Glad you are back! Thanks for giving me this thought to ponder, what is my fill in the blank.

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  7. nail them down here, by all means!
    you're a good mom, jami. i know there are challenges, but you love that girl (and the other two) fiercely and it shows in all the best ways.

    annnd did you move things around on your blog? or am i losing my mind?

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  8. Things have a funny way of working out in the end, it is the journey that is always the hardest. I hope that you find what you are looking for. We are all rooting for Lila!

    http://www.paintingmariposasinthesky.com/

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  9. Struggling with moving right now too! Your words have brought peace knowing I'm not alone in the struggle. But we want to go, when it looks like God may want us to stay. Learning to trust Him even more now :) Best of luck to you!

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  10. praying for you always.
    amen, he himself. the end.

    i miss you! xo

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  11. Hey, I have been reading your blog and never posted before. My daughter also has apraxia. We live in South OP and she receives services through The Britain Center at Shawnee Mission Hospital. Not sure if you are aware of this option, but I am pretty certain they provide services for both sides of the state line... you might check it out. We have been amazed at the progress our little lady has made since starting there!

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  12. Yes, yes, yes!!!! You have just given language to my life over the past six months. Although we have made the decision to move for the betterment of all of us but ugh! what a decision. Our son has special needs as well and the thought of relocating to a new state, here in Australia was almost paralysing for me. Forever grateful that God has now replaced fear with peace. The move will happen early next year (in our summer). The paperwork and applications for funding are now being compiled to ensure he has a place at a wonderful school. Stepping forward with my head held high and eyes focussed on God not the path I think we should go. Thank you for your wonderful words. I've missed you while you've been gone xo

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  13. These words!! My husband has been unemployed for two and a half years and there are lots of decisions to be made about staying put or going elsewhere for him to find a job, but if we move can I? I keep praying for God to show us his plan, but it is all to ease my own mind.

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  14. I've missed you and you came back with the perfect message at the perfect time. Thank you.

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  15. Hi! My son has apraxia, and I had actually wondered before when you shared about Lila's speech whether she might have it too. I'm sorry to hear that she does, and also that she is encountering other struggles. I just wrote a blog post about our experience with it so far: http://www.familysnodgrass.blogspot.com/2013/08/buddy-boys-mountain-childhood-apraxia.html. We're still new in this game...would you be willing to share what you've heard about different therapies and such? We're doing PROMPT right now, but I've heard great things about Kaufman, and I'm wondering whether we should pursue that.

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  16. I'm glad you're blogging again. This post/topic is SO relevant to me right now. Due to an unexpected job transfer, God literally took us from what I thought was our forever home, the city we'd raise our kids in, & the most amazing community we've ever had the privilege of worshipping and growing with. I still don't understand why God would do this & I'm not sure he will ever show. But I can't doubt that He is in this.

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