Wednesday, January 30, 2013

dear nato.

dear nato,

you are good to me. you spent both nights in the hospital with penelope and a lot of the days too. and i know it certainly wasn't restful...
you cancelled everything quickly so you could be there.
i remember when lila was just born and we were in the hospital. you were trying to leave any chance you could get and i kept looking at you across the room wondering who you were. and trying not to be hurt.





if ever there was a tangible moment of knowing that God has been faithful and will continue to be faithful to redeem even tiny hurtful memories in our marriage, it is when i looked at you across the room the other night holding penelope tight.
telling me to go home and rest.
no one could pull you from her at that point.
and in a tiny spark i remembered how it used to be. just a small moment of remembering the hospital setting and a baby and being scared.
it was familiar. i remember.



i love that God is leaving nothing undone. it's like he's going back in time and mending wounds, the big gashes and the tiny tears. He sees them all and He does not forget even when i try. i pushed things into the "forget" corner because they were too small of hurts that didn't matter all that much.
and God brings them to the light and says, this one too. i'll mend that too. i'm not done here.




God is so kind to me through you.
through this weird and tiring couple of days, God has been big and surprising. and in the midst of sickness he has been healing the tiny parts of my heart. i know you don't see it, you're doing what needs to get done. but it means a lot to me...the kind of father you are and the kind of husband you've become. because i know what the ending of the story should be.
and mostly because it points to something bigger than us.
the God that redeems both big and small, forgotten and remembered.





i love you.

(p.s. penelope was in the hospital with pneumonia and is home now recovering and doing great!)

46 comments:

  1. i love your story (learned of you through emily at flourish), and postponed my wedding last year for some undisclosed reasons. we're finally getting to a good spot again, and i love love love the way you describe god healing the big hurts, and the small, pushed-away ones, too. i feel like that's what we're going through right now, and i'm so moved by your post, your honesty, your faith and passion. it's pretty much awesome, literally. it is worthy of awe. glad your girl is getting better. pneumonia is no joke, and i hope things keep looking up for both of our families.

    sincerely,
    vanessa

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  2. you almost made me cry. almost. rude

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  3. God's redemption story in your life is so precious. So sweet. So good. There have been times when He has shown me the reality that even the seemingly meaningless is meaningful to Him. That He cares about every detail. I am encouraged to read about His mending of the hurts in your heart. He is a good Father. A redeeming Father. Thank God!

    And yay for your sweet girl recovering well.

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  4. thanks for taking the time to write this. God may be redeeming my story in a different way, but it's good to be reminded He is the best healer of hurts, big & little.

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    Replies
    1. yes, there is no one way to redeem. :)

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  5. So happy for you and NATO, that you worked through the hard stuff. So happy that the Turtle is feeling better too!

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  6. Too often we hear ONLY the negatives deeds of our husbands! Thanks for posting and reminding us that we need to let the world know how wonderful they can be too!

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  7. this brought tears to my eyes.. i needed an extra dose of remembering His faithfulness today, and i'm thankful He used you to provide that. i love the story of His redeeming power in your marriage and i'm thankful that you share it. and i'm also very glad the turtle is mending too!

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  8. this is absolutely a beautiful testimony to a God that heals. Thanks Jami!

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  9. Thank you for sharing Jami, this.was.awesome. and something I needed to hear today! I have friends who have struggled with similar marital issues as you, but the truth is, all of us (especially myself) struggle through general marriage issues sometimes. Not a lot of people talk about the pain and hurt our most loved person in life can inflict on us, because it seems so little compared to those big taboo things, but healing is required still! Thank you for the reminder that God knows even the little things, that most people think are stupid and he even reminds us of them and restores! So grateful for your words today! :)

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    Replies
    1. we have the ability in marriage to cut the deepest. we need a skilled surgeon to put those wounds back together...and a lot of times we expect that surgeon to be our husbands. i'm so guilty of that.

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  10. Jami, I think this may be my favorite thing I've read here, which is saying quite a lot. This is so well spoken and honest, simple and beautiful. The images, the truth, all of it. And especially this --> "God brings them to the light and says, 'this one too. i'll mend that too.'" Thank God for that. Glad your turtle is healing up well. Hugs to you both.

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  11. Love your honesty, Jami. Seriously. Thank you.

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  12. Thank you for the beautiful reminder of how big God is. Grace is so unbelievably surprising - I always try to formalize and pharisee-ize it and then there are moments when He just hits me over the head with how deeply and how big he cares about redeeming every bit of my life. I'm thankful for your family's stories & that you are sharing grace in the small + big moments.

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    Replies
    1. pharasee-ize it. good one. will use!

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  13. girl. i get this thing about God healing even the tiny hurts. my hubby's first wife died in a car crash 5 mos after they got married. so when i married him i was mad. like why did she get all the firsts and i had to have the seconds?? but God. eight years later and he continues to make it all new.

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    Replies
    1. gosh that's hard. same issues different story. funny how God works!

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  14. Glad Turtle is on the mend! Thank you for posting this, it's reminded me that healing can happen if I let God do His work. :) love your blog!

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  15. Beautiful! Such an amazing daddy!

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  16. Dear Natos glad to hear your little one is back home recovering and doing well. Its the hard times that we have to deal with that we see what we are made of ....hang in there!

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  17. What a beautiful picture of redemption. Thanks for sharing.

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  18. this is beautiful, jami. thanks for sharing.

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  19. "i love that God is leaving nothing undone. it's like he's going back in time and mending wounds, the big gashes and the tiny tears. He sees them all and He does not forget even when i try. i pushed things into the "forget" corner because they were too small of hurts that didn't matter all that much.
    and God brings them to the light and says, this one too. i'll mend that too. i'm not done here."

    friend. thank you. this is for me.
    praise jesus, who mends and rebuilds. fashions new dreams from our shattered pieces.
    i sure love you. grateful for this, your story. xo

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    Replies
    1. he is always working. it's good for me to remember that.

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  20. Grace on display. Beautiful.

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  21. Beautiful. I love redemption. I love that God cares for every detail. Thanks for this wonderful reminder.

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  22. perfect. perfect picture of God's redemption.

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  23. I love this. Absolutely love it.

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  24. Love this. You just put into words a lot of what I've been feeling being pregnant again. As emotional as it's been, God is doing a good thing. Lots of healing through all of it.

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  25. Oh gosh! I'm holding back the tears! Seriously beautiful how our savior redeems! So thankful for how God has shaped your husband and the reminder that God is amazing! Thank you!

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  26. I needed to hear this today - that God redeems what has been broken, even the tiny things, because He loves us so much. I'm ready for redemption!

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  27. Wow!!!! Beautifully written. Tears.

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  28. this is wonderful! God is oh so good. love that you are such a soul that shares. gives me so much hope. luv you!

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  29. I always choke up when I read the healing stories.

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  30. Crying. how true it is. you are always that mirror I need, speaking words so much better than I could even think them. those tiny memories we all push out. He does heal.

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  31. This gave me chills. I know this redemption. I've lived it. And it's the most beautiful, precious thing. Restoring what the locusts have eaten. Only God can do that.

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    Replies
    1. I love that verse so much! And pay back the years they've destroyed!!

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  32. "God is so kind to me through you.
    through this weird and tiring couple of days, God has been big and surprising. and in the midst of sickness he has been healing the tiny parts of my heart. i know you don't see it, you're doing what needs to get done. but it means a lot to me...the kind of father you are and the kind of husband you've become. because i know what the ending of the story should be.
    and mostly because it points to something bigger than us.
    the God that redeems both big and small, forgotten and remembered."

    sitting here with tears welling up as i read your post and now as i peruse the comments. Thank you for reminding me how much God loves us, and how big He is, how he mends hurts that we didn't even realize were there or we just thought were too silly and small to hurt over or the hurts that are so big and hurt so bad the only way to deal is to push them to a dark corner of our mind.
    Praise the Lord for his redeeming power.

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  33. Gah. You have me crying here...which was not in my plans. But I love what you said about God holding up ALL our hurts to the light and healing them all. And in sharing your pain and healing you are surely helping others in their journey.

    Blessing to you and I hope that baby girl is feeling much better!

    Tammy

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