when i don't, i feel weird. possibly lost.
i scrounge through the cabinets to find perhaps a lone kit kat or some peanut m&m's, but usually there's noting but hard candy.
i'm not into candy so that limits my dessert/breakfast options.
am i supposed to go to the store and get a baked good?
sacrilege, i say to you.
i'm not into plastic icing and crispy cookies that have been sitting there for like, 2 or 3 days. actually, as i type that, i feel very offended at the typical baked good isle. trader joe's and whole foods might be the exception.
go ahead and judge me. roll your eyes at me... i'm a baked good snob. sometimes even desserts from a restaurant are unacceptable to my palette. i'm like, nato, this cake is not moist. can you believe this?! i don't send it back because nato is a hoglet and has already eaten half of it by the time i get those words out of my mouth.
anyway, my mother made me this way. literally. my maiden name is baker for heaven's sake.
she baked a lot and still does. and so, with no actual baking lessons from her, all i knew was that it was normal to get out the flours and the sugars and make an afternoon of baking.
and as a hermit, instead of organizing my messy basement, i'd rather make muffin tops for you and for me and the entire human race.... wait. that's a michael jackson song. i do give treats to the the kids' teachers and the neighbors and friends. if you're wondering where it all goes. i would have dye-uh-beet-uhs by now if i ate all of everything i baked.
so here are what i call my "regulars". instead of being mediocre at making 18,000 desserts, i'd rather become a freaking genius-face at making a couple of desserts. and when you do this, you don't need the recipes anymore. they are written on the tablet of your heart and you can whip them up super fast. you're a sensei, now. and as a kung fu master of treats, you'll whip these up quicker than it takes to go to the grocery store, stand in line, secretly read all the trashy people magazines, and purchase your plastic cookies.
special notes:
now, if i use chocolate chips, i prefer ghiradelli. but, i mean, in a pinch...Hershey's and nestle are just fine.
and if i'm using butter, i'm using real. genuine. butter. no margarine people. this is what satan uses for deodorant, mkay? it's just not ok.
lastly, my cookies are gigantic. you are really eating four, not one. deal with it.
1) oatmeal chocolate chip cookies
i posted this recipe with detailed step by step pictures and instructions at the link above.
(you could put a hair ball in a cake plate and it would look pretty. )
2) chocolate chip cookies
this is also the same recipe as the oatmeal chocolate chip above ...except obviously, no oatmeal. instead, just use 2 and 1/2 cups of flour. if the dough is super sticky, add 1/4 a cup more of flour.
(see how my hand is straining with wrinkles to hold the weight of this thing?
make the cookies very large! like with an ice-cream scooper. not kidding.)
1 stick of butter, softened
1 tbsp vanilla
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 tsp ground coffee
1/4 tsp chili powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking SODA
1 egg
1/4 cup cocoa powder
1 1/2 cup flour
1/2 cup chocolate chips
instructions:
in kitchen aid, cream butter and sugar together. add vanilla, coffee, chili powder, salt and soda. mix on speed 2 until incorporated. add egg and mix. add flour and mix. then add those delicious chocolate chips. use ghirardelli if you really are serious about all things Holy and right in the world.
bake at 350 for 10 minutes.
4) cookie dough pie
modified Recipe from Nestle
1 unbaked 9-inch pie crust, homemade or store-bought. martha stewart's is very easy!
2 large eggs
1/2 C flour
1/2 C white granulated sugar
1/2 C packed brown sugar
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp vanilla
1 1/2 sticks real butter, softened in microwave 30 seconds
1 C chocolate semi sweet chips
1 C chopped pecans or almonds (i don't love nuts in desserts usually, but this gives it a great crunch!)
Vanilla ice cream, or sweetened whipped cream for serving
prepare pie crust and put it in a pie baking dish.
beat butter and sugars and salt together. add eggs and mix. add flour and nuts and mix. then add chocolate chips. dump it into pie crust.
Bake for 55 to 60 minutes or until knife inserted halfway between edge and center comes out clean.
5) gluten free spiced doughnuts
from cooking for isaiah by silvana nardone
she doesn't post her stuff online, so you'll have to buy the cookbook.
and seriously, the best gluten free cookbook available. if you know someone gluten free. this is a must!
as you can see, i make mostly cookie related desserts. there's just nothing like a classic cookie. i'm a texas girl so keep your fancy desserts to yourself before i get offended by your mature tastebuds.





cookie dough pie.....genius!!! Very happy husband & son :)
ReplyDeleteyou remind me much myself - minus the gluten free donuts, though the "Gfree" craze is starting to intrigue me.
ReplyDeletethe recipes for chocolate chip cookies and it's neighboring varieties {aka the first three you listed} are indeed written on the tablet of my heart.
and lastly, because this is getting long -
i usually mute your playlist because my own tunes are so legit, but i'm so glad that you have michael kiwanuka! he is awesome and super under-rated.
that is all.
i mean, don't do gluten free if you don't have to. some of the products like sandwhich bread are heinous! but if you have an autoimmune disease like arthritis or a learning disability, then i'd say try it for 3 months.
Deleteand thanks for listening to my music, it's a blogworld rule not to have music on your blog...and yet i do. lol
If you like pumpkin, you will LOVE these white chocolate chip pumpkin spice cookies. Originally from Pioneer Woman's site. Here's where I blogged about them..
ReplyDeletehttp://gutshall-tell-all.blogspot.com/2011/11/white-chocolate-pumpkin-spice-cookies.html
Umm...did you forget to leave the recipe for the gluten fee donuts, or is that your way of taunting us people who are drooling over these pictures and craving donuts for no reason in the middle of the evening? I like donuts too, you know.
ReplyDeleteno, it's only available in her cookbook. i don't know what the rules are for taking recipes from a book and posting them online. maybe i should google it? that cookbook is one of my faves though. and i'm not even into cookbooks all that much.
Deletedid you leave the donut recipe out on purpose? I like donuts too, you know. :)
ReplyDeleteMargarine is what Satan uses for deodorant. Can I get an "Amen"!!!???
ReplyDeleteThat one might've made me pee a little. My kid is ooonly 17 months old, so that's okay, right?
me too. me too.
Deletei bake(and cook) every day, too! it's beneficial to me, in every way. and my husband approves of this habit. and hey, i am a mississippi girl, and i think you are pretty damn fancy. also, i love these recipes.
ReplyDeletei want that to be on my side bar. hi, i'm jami. i'm pretty damn fancy.
DeleteSign me up for those doughnuts ... they look SO good!
ReplyDeleteLove this. I also bake to slay the beast within (or something). And recently I have been trying to loose weight so I havent been baking...last night I gave in and make chocolate zucchini bread. Did not have any yet but my husband says its good! There is NOTHING like a good chocolate chip cookie:)
ReplyDeleteyou have some self control, girl
DeleteI bake, too. I'm not a fan of cooking, but I will always bake.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to have to try that cookie recipe.
it's true, i'll spend all day baking and then i'm like...CRAP, i need to make dinner. which is sometimes chic-fil-A!
Deleteum...i think i need to start using an ice cream scoop.
ReplyDeletepray about it.
Delete:)
DeleteThank you for these recipes and this post. I agree with you about the plastic frosting. Nothing can beat homemade buttercream. Nothing.
ReplyDeleteOoh those look good!! Must try cookie dough pie! And I'm totally with you scrounging around for sweets and then giving up and baking something with chocolate in it. My husband teases me about how often i bake because I eat then regret, then share with the neighbors and do it all over again the next day.
ReplyDeleteviscous cycle. that i'm happy to be a part of.
DeleteWhoot!! Thanks for posting this, I love to bake but need more neighbors to pass it off to. Or maybe I should just start mailing some of it to you?? I bookmarked the gluten free book as my husband's grandma has celiac and so many gluten free recipes for baking are just weird and crappy. I think my husband would die if I made that chocolate chip pie. I love making my cookies big too! I'm talking more than 1/4 cup for the chocolate chip cookies, and I make THE best. Seriously, I don't need to search for a recipe after I found this one.
ReplyDeleteAnna
www.akginspiration.com
Whoot!! Thanks for posting this, I love to bake but need more neighbors to pass it off to. Or maybe I should just start mailing some of it to you?? I bookmarked the gluten free book as my husband's grandma has celiac and so many gluten free recipes for baking are just weird and crappy. I think my husband would die if I made that chocolate chip pie. I love making my cookies big too! I'm talking more than 1/4 cup for the chocolate chip cookies, and I make THE best. Seriously, I don't need to search for a recipe after I found this one.
ReplyDeleteAnna
www.akginspiration.com
Whoot!! Thanks for posting this, I love to bake but need more neighbors to pass it off to. Or maybe I should just start mailing some of it to you?? I bookmarked the gluten free book as my husband's grandma has celiac and so many gluten free recipes for baking are just weird and crappy. I think my husband would die if I made that chocolate chip pie. I love making my cookies big too! I'm talking more than 1/4 cup for the chocolate chip cookies, and I make THE best. Seriously, I don't need to search for a recipe after I found this one.
ReplyDeleteAnna
www.akginspiration.com
(sorry if this showed up 3 times... wasn't letting me comment)
Whoot!! Thanks for posting this, I love to bake but need more neighbors to pass it off to. Or maybe I should just start mailing some of it to you?? I bookmarked the gluten free book as my husband's grandma has celiac and so many gluten free recipes for baking are just weird and crappy. I think my husband would die if I made that chocolate chip pie. I love making my cookies big too! I'm talking more than 1/4 cup for the chocolate chip cookies, and I make THE best. Seriously, I don't need to search for a recipe after I found this one.
ReplyDeleteAnna
www.akginspiration.com
That cookie pie looks insane. I loved marrying into the last name Baker. It gives me such a great excuse for a muffin top. (And we all know the muffin top is the best part of the muffin...)
ReplyDeleteit's always good to be a Baker.
DeleteOh my word- your writing just cracks me up:)! I am the same way as far as scouring the cupboards looking for a snack and upon finding nothing, baking something. I have already made oatmeal cookie dough today!
ReplyDeletei agree with annie. every time i read a post of yours, i'm laughing. and i love baking too. and my maiden name is baker too. but i'm still a maiden
ReplyDeleteyou won't be a maiden for very long when you bake like this.
Deleteas i have mentioned before, your oatmeal choco chips are now my go to cookies. and when i make them people say how wonderful i am and i always point them back to you. of course, until your video i didn't realize how huge you make them, so next time i am pulling out the ice cream scoop. now i feel i must make the double choco chip ones. the chili powder is an interesting ingredient to me but i trust you in all baking matters!!! ever put white choco chips in them? i feel i need to find a way to copy cat paneras chocolate duet cookie. thanks for making me look good! and glad i am not the only one baking all the time.
ReplyDeleteguurrllll!
ReplyDeletethe question is, how do you bake this amazingness and stay so skinnnnnyyy?
i LOOK at one and gain 10lbs. ugh.
also, i make your oatmeal choc chip cookies all.the.time.
my kids fave. :)
i am very soft. and i have a muffin top hidden in a wide band of yoga pants.
DeleteJust made the double chocolate cookies for the millionth time. We have neighbors up the street who request them all the time :) Reaching the lost for Jesus through cookies. Also, I grew up on Nestle Toll House. But my hubs loves Ghiradelli, so I reluctantly made the switch. And, okay, okay, I'll finally agree that they are better. And, jI ust read an article about child slave labor being used to pick cacao bean in Africa. Apparantly, Nestle and Hersheys are some of the worst companies about using the chocolate that comes from child slave labor. But, Ghiradelli's is not an offender!!
ReplyDeletei did not know this! all the more reason to buy the good stuff!
Deleteglad to know that the Gospel is being spread through sweet treats. so good.
I agree - your chocolate chip oatmeal recipe is delish. Even my neighbor said she loved them and wants the recipe.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I must disagree on one point.
A hairball would still be disgusting {maybe even more so} if sitting in a cake plate. Now that's just gross.
But margarine as the Devil's deodorant? Brilliant observation.
at first i was going to write, poop in a cake plate would still be pretty. so atleast i changed it to hairball?
Deletei just wrote a comment that I thought was really funny and then it deleted.
ReplyDeletethat's all.
ok..soooo have you ever used the gluten free flour mix that's in the cookbook as a substitute for the flour in the recipes you posted? Does that question even make sense? ;)
ReplyDeleteYes! Amen! Only homemade baked goods for this spoiled brat growing up. ;) So I am a TOTAL dessert snob. No prebought, prepackaged "plastic" cookies for me. ;) Unless I'm in a sugar craving emergency. Also, I should weigh 200 lbs with how I ate and EAT and my brother DOES have diabetes. But not because of my mom's cooking. Lol. And yes, Satan formulated margarine. I'm sure of it.
ReplyDeleteOk so I hardly ever bake but I jotted down your oatmeal cookie recipe the other day and thought, well I have all those things so...maybe. Today made them (well minus the chocolate chips because my husband likes them plain, and I'm here to make him happy, right?! Lol ;)). And I made them BIG like you said. Ummmmm, he ate 3 in like 5 minutes! Love them-they are super delish!! Thanks o much for sharing, this is definitely a keeper!!!
ReplyDeletemaybe i am missing something...but when do you put the cocoa in your cookies? i guessed and added it right before flour. they turned out pretty fantastic so my assumption is i did it right! thanks for another awesome cookie recipe. my friends and family love you, my waist and pants hate you. seriously, i make your cookies all. the. time. making them for my mops cookie exchange and you would think i am bringing solid gold to them based on their excitement.
ReplyDeleteOops yes! Add it with the flour or before. :) glad you like them. They are a staple here too. (Said my muffin top)
Delete