Tuesday, October 9, 2012

5% sucks.

do you ever just live a certain way and then that certain way turns into normal?
for me it's busyness. and not resting. and rushing around. and everything is something to do and get passed because there's something next after that. and i'll rush through that too.

and everything is in my way. because i have to get passed you to get done with everything so i can finally take a break.
my kids are in the way. my house is in the way. my husband is in the way. everything irritates me because i have a plan, people!
i'm sprinting through life trying to rest.
all the while demanding, Lord...refresh me! give me rest!
i need living water, but i'm like the sprinter running a race, grabbing quickly for the water and knocking it out of God's hand as i rush by. there's only a drop in the cup by the time it gets to my mouth.

in the name of ministry.
i'm "ministering" to others, and i neglect my responsibilities God gave me first as a wife and a mother.
i'll make dinner. IF i have time.
i'll read you a book, child. IF i can fit it in.
i'll have sex with you, husband. IF it works out.

i have an idea, everyone gets 5% of me. never 100%.

what a disservice.

this weekend someone asked me, if you're writing checks out of your emotional and physical bank account, where are you spending your money? not where you think you should spend it, but where ARE YOU spending it? 

honestly. right now.
oh....let me check the balance.

1. other people
2. other people
3. other people
4. other people
5. God, my husband, my kids, my hobbies, my photography, everything else...

jacked. up.

what should my priorities be?

1. God
2. my husband
3. layne
4. lila
5. penelope
(these last three in no particular order...they always change too)

6.7.8.9. don't really matter at this point.
i'm having trouble seeing beyond number 5.

Lord,
forgive me. i have taken something good and turned it into something i worship more than you. in the name of doing "your work" i have exhausted myself and my family. i am tired and worn out and have nothing to give. i have said yes to everything and no to you.
 i have said subtly in my heart that everyone needs me. that i am a savior. i am arrogant and prideful and i do not see myself rightly. please help me to let go of thinking that i am in control and that you need me to do your work. you don't need me to do anything for you. you will do your will with or without me, not because of me...and apparently in spite of me!

my solution is not tips and tricks to being a better wife and mother. it's not being more organized. it's not a better calendar. it's not energy drinks and coffee. and it's certainly not waking up in the morning and doing "better". i fail every time and then live in shame that i can't get it right.
i need something more.

please help me walk in repentance and in obedience. you are my only hope.
help me remember that you call us to rest and not to busyness. as i take a step back from many things, help me to see you more and me less. i am desperate for you to fill me up with rest that comes only from you.

amen. and amen.
and also, amen.

55 comments:

  1. wow, these words could have come straight from my mouth tonight. Straight from my soul. Thank you. x

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  2. Thanks for this. It's so good to be reminded of. Especially upon moving to a new place and feeling tempted to jump into everything halfway. Giving myself a new freedom to take my time, and ease into a few intentional things whole heartedly. Love this, Jami.

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  3. Good reminder, Jami. I am very guilty of that so much of the time, as well.

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  4. wow. i truly think this is a blueprint of my mind. while it is hard to say, and harder to admit, it is who i have been too. thank you for your words today, they hit me in the face..in the best possible way.

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  5. YES! THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS! This is exactly how I feel all the time. Nothing like a bit of a wakeup call this morning. Nice to know I am not the only one who lives this way.

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  6. Jami you are singing my song. I'm thankful His mercies are new every morning. Today's a new day. Amen.

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  7. and. amen. i feel this so full force today! i have so much on my plate. i actually said to myself yesterday, 'when I finish these 42 dresses and all these rulers i'm DONE!' DONE. NOT DOING ANY MORE. FOR ANYONE. OTHER THAN MY FAMILY! FOR A LONG TIME!!! I have to learn to say no! Thank you for this!

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  8. Slowly God answers that prayer and helps you reshuffle the deck. Trust me. It's happening here.

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  9. i totally feel the same exact way. it's like you stole the words i couldn't find right from the tip of my tongue.
    thanks for the perspective! i really need this message today.
    God bless and prayers for you!

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  10. Hi Jami- I'm usually one of your silent readers and love the encouragement you give me to be faithful and examine my heart often. I just had to comment today, however, because I just heard THE BEST talk about this very subject on Saturday. Dieter Uchtdorf talked about how we live in a society where we often wear our busyness as a badge of honor and the way this affects our families and relationship with God. Anyway, reading your post I just thought you might enjoy hearing it. You can find it here:

    http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/of-regrets-and-resolutions?lang=eng&media=video

    Hope you like it!

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  11. I'm sure you hear this all the time but this post came at a perfect time for me. You summed up my thoughts exactly. So thankful for your ability to put into words what I've been feeling. Thanks for sharing.

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  12. oh girl..you dont know how much I needed this! Hit the nail on the head for me!!! Thank you for this post! I dont want life to rush by as I am doing,going,leaving..ect.. and look back and have regrets of the time I lost "trying" to get it all done! My babies are small for a time and I want them and my sweet husband to know..I love God and in showing that,I am loving them..giving to them with my time,my additude,my patience..my dinners (the ones I dont throw together because I havent had time ) Keep on in HIM..thanks you for this post.It spoke straight to my heart

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  13. so ironic that I read this post today too :) maybe the Lord is trying to tell me somthing

    http://www.proverbs31.org/devotions/one-cup-life-2012-10/

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  14. this post spoke to me in such real, honest, heart wrenching ways, jami. thank you once again for your honesty. you put words to my thoughts and feelings. the most relatable line in this post for me was "i'm sprinting through life trying to rest." you've given me lots to wrestle with.

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  15. My friend forwarded this blog post to me because this is EXACTLY what I've been going though! I think we might be twins. Thank you for posting this and being so transparent. I cannot wait to read more of your blog. :)

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  16. Goodness I LOVE this! I just linked this to my Facebook page... LOVE THIS SO MUCH!!! I don't know how you do it, but you somehow manage to dig right into the heart of what's going on in my life! Best. Thing. Ever. Thank you!

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  17. so powerful. I feel that way too and I have ONE KID. I feel like she takes all my time, and that's not fair..I need time for ME. Wait, that's not right?? When did I become so selfish?

    Thanks for being so vulnerable.

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  18. I really resonate with this. I think I take Prov 31 way too literally and start thinking I should be like that woman where she never sleeps. It gets so bad that if I ever do just sit down and chill I feel guilty that I'm not doing something. It's hard to remember that while we are supposed to minister to all people, there are specific people God has placed in our lives for us to care for and show his love to. They're called our children! My child repeats everything I say and copies everything I do. How can it not be obvious to me that I need to model repentance and dependance on Christ? And if we only do things when we have time then even then it's leftovers. I don't get the rich experience of reading to my son and watching his mind expand as we learn words and connect meaning. I don't get real intimacy with my husband if I'm rushing through this so I can hurry up and get to sleep for another day of chasing the kids around. I don't really get steeped in God's word if my daily Bible reading is just another chore to check off the list. Praying to slow down and rest in him!

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  19. YES. thank you Jami for reminding us of what humble obedience looks like. yes and amen! love Katie

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  20. And Amen again, sister! I hear ya and can relate. It's hard to focus on the important things, sometimes.

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  21. so completely relate to this post..

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  22. Amen. Thank, I needed to read this right this very instant...funny how God does that.

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  23. amen and amen, sister.
    always a blessing.

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  24. Amen! Praying Psalm 145 over your family, and mine-- I've been living the 5% so long that I now have chronic fatigue. I think God's showing me, in the only way that He knows I'd pay attention, that I need to reorient my life/schedule/goals around Him...

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  25. I couldn't have read this at a better time. I feel like I'm going and going and for what? I feel like I push my babies to the side, my husband gets whatever is left in the tank.. Thank you Jami for such an honest prayer.

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  26. ohhh geeee this is me. i'm down to just me and my family after a move and i'm hoping for busyness. this is MY chance to put them all first. i absolutely love how you write. thank you for laying it out there -- i know it's why you do it, but we're benefiting from your openness. it really does bless people. fave blog award goes to.....;)

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  27. I think if every single mother was as honest as you just were, we'd all be able to say we've been there. Or maybe we are there.

    Lots to think about. Thanks, once again, for your words.

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  28. I need to preach this to myself everyday. Thanks for speaking truth to my heart.

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  29. "sprinting through life trying to rest." So me! Great post

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  30. I can completely relate.. thanks for your honesty :)

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  31. I have been a blogstalker for a while and love the truth you speak. Amen today, sister! My own mother just told me last night "find grace in the interruptions." Book reading, nap-fighting babies, come draw with me mommy...find grace in those things. Thanks for this reminder today, too!

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  32. this is absolutely true. thank God for perspective.

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  33. oh girl. i've totally been there.. it all came to a head last summer
    when i just was exhausted and could not give anymore of myself. i have had to completely re-prioritize
    where my energy and attention goes.. and one thing i've learned during this time..once you take care of those priorities (#1-5) He will find ways for you to still be of service to others. even if it's just a meal or an attentive ear for someone else. good luck and thank you so much for sharing, love your honesty.
    xoxo

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  34. Beautiful post. So easy to lose sight of God and his goodness in this fast-paced crazy world we live in. But you are absolutely right, and I am caught reminding myself all too often to put God first and everything else will fall into place. Thank you for yet another reminder;)

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  35. it is like you see into my life or we have similar lives. loved this. needed this!! thanks.

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  36. Holy moly, sister, that is pretty much me in a nutshell. I find myself often saying no only to God because I am so "busy". Thanks for making me check myself on things I was avoiding admitting to myself.

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  37. wow... i could have written this post myself.
    it's been running through my mind for the past 2 weeks now.
    and i keep thinking, "why am i feeling so drained? why am i so EXHAUSTED?!?! i'm doing good things!!!! why doesn't God help me get through this?!"
    thanks for writing it out...
    i needed to read this...
    and now i need desperately to put it into practice.
    thanks babe!
    xo

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  38. Amen and WOW do I love it when God wakes us up to this stuff!

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  39. Amen! I have been struggling with this so much... especially lately. Thank you for sharing!
    -Sandy

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  40. Amen! Thank you for sharing. I found this post via http://www.knittybitties.blogspot.com/2012/10/dont-say-i-didnt-warn-you.html and this could not be more true for me, especially now. Thank you!
    -Sandy

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  41. You truely have a gift of writing straight to people's souls. Thanks for your words.

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  42. Thank you for this. So so desperately needed. I felt convicted last night after uttering these words to my husband, "Don't worry you'll have your wife back tomorrow". Cringe. Priorities need to get in check and this heart needs a makeover.

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  43. Thank you for this. So so desperately needed. I actually uttered these words to my husband last night, "Don't worry you'll have your wife back tomorrow". Cringe. Priorities and this heart need to change.

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  44. thank you thank you thank you. i was telling my sister that I was feeling bad today and all the things i wished i was doing that i wasn't and she said "did you read jamie nato's blog today?" just what i needed. thank you. i love how God speaks to us.

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  45. Yes and AMEN! Could SO relate. B.U.S.Y. (being under satan's yoke)

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  46. Gald I came upon this from Emily's blog. Reminded me of something from a ladies conference I went to this past weekend. The speaker demonstrated an analogy she wanted to make to us about giving of ourselves.. the things we do for God/our husbands/children/other people and the way we do it. She poured a glass of water and began spooning it out of the glass, saying that this is us, doing doing doing, giving giving giving. Eventually we are going to hit the bottom of the glass, we're going to run out of water, out of love to give others, out of energy to bless and help others. Taking the jug, she began to fill the glass. Not stopping when it began to overflow. As she continued to pour more and more water out onto the floor, she explained that this is the way we are supposed to live in Christ - loving others through the overflow of His love for us. We are GUARANTEED to hit bottom when we use our own reserves. Praying that you, me and all these ladies would just be still and receive God's abundant love, so that it would overflow to those around us.

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  47. Wow. Just wow. You know me too well! This post was powerful and it hits very close to home! Thanks for making it very clear where our priorities should be. You are a blessing my friend!

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