Thursday, September 15, 2011

a letter to my future rebellious child.

today, lila turns three. amongst my sentiment on this day(because i almost cried dropping you off at mother's day out AGAIN), i choose a letter to express my feelings.

to my future rebellious child (if you so choose to go this route, you naughty thing):

i want you to know that even though you hate me right now,

when you were a newborn, i stayed up with you in the middle of the night for weeks and weeks and weeks, until i almost went insane. luckily, you learned to sleep.

that i fretted over every fever you've ever had. i've called ask-a-nurse a lot. and on those feverish nights, i've rocked you in your chair all night long until we both passed out. just so i could hear you breath.

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(here you are using an icing spatula to try and get all the keys off the hooks. like a monkey.)

that i cleaned throw up off of you when you were sick. i pulled all the chunks out of your hair, lovingly. while i almost puked.

that i cried when i found out i was pregnant with your sister, penelope because you weren't going to be the baby anymore. i called you my tiny baby forever and i knew it was ending.

that i worked tirelessly for you to talk. even though you refuse to do anything out of your own timing. today we practiced, how old is lila? THREE!
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(today, we found the first red leaf of the season!)
that when i lay down at night, almost asleep, i get back up and go in your room and check on you. you sweat a lot so i take the covers off of you and position you correctly at the head of the bed instead of the end. or behind your bed. or dangling off your bed. or on the floor.

that i cry when i think about you not being able to hear for the first two years. i cry every single time i let myself go there.

that even though you suck on your fingers constantly and i make you stop, because i know it won't be cute when your teeth look like bucky beaver on crack...i still find it endearing.

that i hate spanking you because i feel like you're so creative, even when you're being naughty. i don't want to spank your creative out of you. laughable, but you have me manipulated.

that sometimes a marvel at your curiosity and just watch you. i watch you pull alllllllll the pots and pans out. alllllll the silverware out. and place it on the floor. and then move on to your next task. leaving just me and the pans on the floor.

that i pray hard for you every day. please let her know you, God. please let her talk. please let her experience the Gospel. please let her be confident and strong.

that i love when you get your purse, my high heels on, a couple of napkin holders on your wrists as bracelets and say BYE BYE! and walk to the front door. i have to keep the front door locked because you aren't pretending. you'll really go bye bye.
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(here you are ready to go to mother's day out)

you love going bye bye.

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(you forgot your purse. because you are like your mother.)

so listen, even though you think you never want to see my face again, i have loved you the best i could. you have always loved leaving. but when you come back, you scream, Hiiiiiiii! with such delight. because you missed me. and you know i think you're a marvelous creature. and you know that i love you. that i'll always clean the throw-up out of your hair no matter how old you are.

so come back home, you naughty baby. i have dinner waiting.

sincerely,
your mother

33 comments:

  1. this is so beautiful! what an amazing mother you are!

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  2. Stop it. I'm doing the ugly cry. You're right though, our daughters are never allowed to be friends.

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  3. I'm not a mother yet (though we are praying the Lord allows us this miracle soon) but this made me cry. Thank you for sharing this today. It was beautiful.

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  4. you almost had me crying. but i held it back because that would be nerdy...i thought lila's birthday was the 13th. that's what i have on my schedge. my b.

    lila will cry when she reads this one day. presh

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  5. oh jami this post made my heart happy. how precious. you are such a good mommy. lila will love reading this someday. happy birthday to your sweet (rebellious) girl!

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  6. ha well crap! that was not Josh that posted that. lol it was me, libby!

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  7. that. is. beautiful. please read this to her on her wedding day. she will bawl her sweet little eyes out!

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  8. i truly love this.

    and your blog.
    you're just a really neat person, but i'm sure you know that.

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  9. yeeessss. to the the spanking part. how do you spank someone who you admire their ingenuity at the same time? can it be someone's spiritual gift to be amazingly naughty? 'cause grayson is seriously good at it. let's be sure to never let those two meet. it's better for the future of humanity me thinks. ;)

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  10. Love the "don't want to spank the creative out of her"....Oh how well said for those naughty genius children. :)

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  11. so beautifully written- typed as i wipe the tears from my chin.

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  12. What a wonderful gift to your daughter. She shall treasure this forever. My little girl is now a mother herself..... I see all of my prayers for her have almost come true.... Love your sweet blog. What a treasure motherhood is how lovely it is to be able to remember the dear little moments and the huge accomplishments with this sweet blog.

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  13. SOOOOO not fair. I'm crying before bed for two ladies I've never actually met. Stunning post about a stunning girl- hope I can write this well for my girl one day.

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  14. Well, I figured I was the only emotional mama out there until I read all the other comments -- I didn't just tear up, I was practically sobbing!! A mother's love is truly an indescribable thing. It's hard to believe that the Lord loves us even more, isn't it?!?

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  15. arranged marriage? yes please. i don't care which of my little men marry lila, but one of them will.

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  16. B.A.W.L.I.N.G. And I don't even actually know you people. I pray that you will never have to share this with your girl because she's rebelling but only to bring yourselves even closer.

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  17. oh geez you made me cry. and so will lila when she reads this some day.

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  18. Had a pretty rotten day with my daughter who is a pistol...this was beauitfully written! I needed to hear this! thankyou!

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  19. Ugh. Tears. My son turns 6 tomorrow, I feel like you took the words out of my mouth. Except exchanging the girly things for the boy things like "I never once said a curse word in front of you even though I just stepped on that spiky hot wheels car you left in the middle of the floor... Again."
    Beautiful post. Happy birthday to your little lady. :)

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  20. she is so stinking adorable. love that sweet little girl of yours! grateful she has a mommy who is full of love, mercy and grace!

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  21. Such sweet words. She is so blessed to have you for her mama!! Happy birthday lila!

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  22. Beautiful! You've inspired me to write one of these for my little baby girl. :)

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  23. Best birthday letter ever. Happy 3rd Birthday Lila!

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  24. You are an awesome mother! Your babies are lucky to have such a jewel!!!!!

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  25. Oh, motherhood is full of fears and pangs of regret, worries and pure joy. Here's to Lila and all of her joy.

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  26. thats an awesome letter. Lila is so big and looks more like you every time I see her. give her birthday hugs from us

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  27. I mean seriously. I want to be your best friend so you can write sweet letters to my kids that I claim to have written. So beautiful.

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  28. um, i'm only crying a little bit. being 3 is fabulous, just ask abby!

    i can so relate to so many things, especially the 'you aren't pretending. you'll really go bye bye.'--that's abby.

    in all, this is probably one of the best things you can do for her. the day she's wearing that white dress reading letters like this...i'll be waiting for THAT blog post. :)

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  29. Jami Nato, how are you so lovable? I used to have a favorite line from a letter I read that I always think about. I think it just got replaced with, "so come back home, you naughty baby. i have dinner waiting." So freaking good. You two are lucky to have each other. I'm going to go read it again.

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  30. That was so beautiful...made me cry!!

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  31. this made me emotional!
    I LOVE the idea of it though and want to write a letter to my daughters like this!!! LOVE your blog!
    tara

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  32. just found your blog.... wow, im in tears. wonderful post and what a keepsake!

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