today, lila turns three. amongst my sentiment on this day(because i almost cried dropping you off at mother's day out AGAIN), i choose a letter to express my feelings.
to my future rebellious child (if you so choose to go this route, you naughty thing):
i want you to know that even though you hate me right now,
when you were a newborn, i stayed up with you in the middle of the night for weeks and weeks and weeks, until i almost went insane. luckily, you learned to sleep.
that i fretted over every fever you've ever had. i've called ask-a-nurse a lot. and on those feverish nights, i've rocked you in your chair all night long until we both passed out. just so i could hear you breath.
(here you are using an icing spatula to try and get all the keys off the hooks. like a monkey.)
that i cleaned throw up off of you when you were sick. i pulled all the chunks out of your hair, lovingly. while i almost puked.
that i cried when i found out i was pregnant with your sister, penelope because you weren't going to be the baby anymore. i called you my tiny baby forever and i knew it was ending.
that i worked tirelessly for you to talk. even though you refuse to do anything out of your own timing. today we practiced, how old is lila? THREE!
(today, we found the first red leaf of the season!)
that when i lay down at night, almost asleep, i get back up and go in your room and check on you. you sweat a lot so i take the covers off of you and position you correctly at the head of the bed instead of the end. or behind your bed. or dangling off your bed. or on the floor.
that i cry when i think about you not being able to hear for the first two years. i cry every single time i let myself go there.
that even though you suck on your fingers constantly and i make you stop, because i know it won't be cute when your teeth look like bucky beaver on crack...i still find it endearing.
that i hate spanking you because i feel like you're so creative, even when you're being naughty. i don't want to spank your creative out of you. laughable, but you have me manipulated.
that sometimes a marvel at your curiosity and just watch you. i watch you pull alllllllll the pots and pans out. alllllll the silverware out. and place it on the floor. and then move on to your next task. leaving just me and the pans on the floor.
that i pray hard for you every day. please let her know you, God. please let her talk. please let her experience the Gospel. please let her be confident and strong.
that i love when you get your purse, my high heels on, a couple of napkin holders on your wrists as bracelets and say BYE BYE! and walk to the front door. i have to keep the front door locked because you aren't pretending. you'll really go bye bye.
(here you are ready to go to mother's day out)
you love going bye bye.
(you forgot your purse. because you are like your mother.)
so listen, even though you think you never want to see my face again, i have loved you the best i could. you have always loved leaving. but when you come back, you scream, Hiiiiiiii! with such delight. because you missed me. and you know i think you're a marvelous creature. and you know that i love you. that i'll always clean the throw-up out of your hair no matter how old you are.
so come back home, you naughty baby. i have dinner waiting.