Thursday, March 17, 2011

don't give up...a project and a lifestyle. or something deep like that.

so early this week, i went to some dear friend's photography workshop called the DON'T GIVE UP project in colorodo springs. um, go to the next workshop, for reals.
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(above: the view from the lodge...pic from my phone)

now you should know, i'm not a traveler. i'm a hermit. i love hermiting in my house for days creating things and being with my babies. and cooking. and eating. and making a baby. and napping. these are all my true spiritual gifts.

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but while i've been pregnant this time around, i've gone to mexico, florida, and colorado. this child in my belly will be adventurous, i just know it. like her daddy. and well,that's basically the opposite of me. i'm ok with this thought.

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(the hillllllllls are alive....with the sound of muuuuuuuuuuuuuusic....)

anyway, back to this trip:  my flight got super delayed, i forgot my pajamas( a prego woman's kryptonite!), i got some altitude sickness and couldn't sleep...combine that with being 30 weeks pregnant and SHA-BAM!  you get a bratty little(i mean, large) lady. so not ideal conditions. but i'll tell you what, i learned a ton. it wasn't even really about technical stuff, it was more about creating. and being passionate about what you do. it was super inspiring.

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i felt closer to Jesus. at my tired-est and hormonal-est moments...i felt creative. i cried a lot. i felt insecure and uncomfortable for most of the sessions, shooting with my canon rebel and my one lens amidst all this fantastical equipment that others had.

but for me, i've found that's where the most growth happens. in being super uncomfortable. having to push through fears instead of saying, i give up. don't worry, i kick and scream through it all, but in the end, something great happens. i'm still trying to sort through all i thought about and learned, so i can't articulate all that right now. go with it.
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so ya, these are all some of my favorite pics from the trip. i don't really know these people well enough to just plaster them all over my personal blog, but they won't care. i hope. if not, surprise, you're on a weird lady's blog!

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it was fun making new friends, using their sweet lenses, and telling them innapropriate stories about my life.

i was surprised to find that i missed this:
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i wanted to be home. like a really wierd feeling that was more than "homesickness". there was this uncomfortable emotional rub while i was there. i want to be both creative and pursue my dreams, but don't want my hobbies to take away from what i'm really passionate about:
my husband and my littles.
our memories.
our home.
at what point do you take a step back and pause and say, THIS is more important than this.

that's where i'm at in my head. let's just wrestle through this together...ha. you don't want to? ruuuuuuude. just kidding. no i'm not.

side note: i feel like the coloring in these pictures is kind of all over the place. the lighting was all so different in each session. and i wanted to leave these all mostly unedited so you get the feel for exactly what the moments were like. i would normally post these in collections, but just wanted to do it all in one post. so it'll be annoying to your eye for a little bit, but i'm sure you'll forgive me.

50 comments:

  1. i want to go to Colorado! love the sound of music shout out picture best!!

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  2. they are BEAUTIFUL pictures!
    isn't it stupid what insecurities we let rob us? way to totally rise above!
    but you are right, there is NO place like home!
    ps. (you are a rockstar for traveling that much while pregnant. i was a complete lump on the couch. high five)

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  3. Ok those photos are gorgeous! I am desperately wanting to get better with my camera AND my editing. Your photos are always beautiful, thanks for the inspiration!

    And 30 weeks?!? You are almost there!

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  4. Galatians 6:9 Went to a girl's bible study this week and we only talked about that verse...do not grow weary...LOVE IT! Love your photos!!

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  5. My hubster lived in the Springs for a whole year while we dated. Talk about long distance dating. Sheesh. I'm glad we live under the same roof now.

    Aaaanyway...um. Your pics are great! Awesome job.

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  6. What an awesome opportunity! I'm glad you were brave and tried it! :)

    The silhouette shot in the sunset reminds me of a Mr. Darcy and Lizzy Bennet Pride and Prejudice kind of shot! LOVE LOVE LOVE it.

    And I'm glad naps are your spiritual gift.

    I think they are mine too. And excel spreadsheets. And eating hot dogs. The Lord has blessed me in those areas. ;)

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  7. Jami - I love this... Thanks for posting about your trip, I haven't talked to A yet. These photos are beautiful! I am right there with you about remembering what's more important right now... The other day I was mad and stressin' out cause I needed to work on orders and my "dang" kids kept needing something from me. All of a sudden God spoke to my heart (I don't get to hear his voice very often so I know I better listen when I do!) and he said "its not important". And right then I knew he was telling me what was. We have our whole lives to work, craft, pursue hobbies - our babies are only this little for a blink of an eye. Thanks for being straight up. ;)

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  8. Great pictures! :)
    Such an inspiring post - LOVE it.

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  9. SO TRUE! Being uncomfortable leads to great growth!
    Love all these pics!

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  10. I love all the pics the couple ones are really intimate and romantic without being awkward.
    You make me smile :)

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  11. Your photos are stunning! Your camera may not have been as crazy as theirs but it's way cooler than mine. Jealous.

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  12. Gorgeous pics! I love Colorado :) We took a trip there last fall to visit some friends...and are headed there again soon!
    And, as always, I love your honesty.

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  13. All your pictures are great!! I can totally relate on the "homesickness." You are an awesome momma!

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  14. I really like these pics...they have an 'old soul' feel to them...that probably makes no sense. But, I love them.

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  15. Jamie,

    I too have wrestled with time with my husband and littles vs. my creative outlet time. It is a tough one:) I think we can find a place where they can coexist...just finding the right balance for each is the tricky part. I recently closed my etsy store, as I felt like I was "neglecting" time with my babies. So far, it has been a great decision for me. If you ever end up figuring out the answer to this....please share with us!

    Love your photos, they never disappoint:) You are very gifted. I would love to learn from you:)
    Kate

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  16. Oops! I forgot to sign out of my sister Annie's account when I commented earlier. That was me.

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  17. Oops, that was me who forgot to sign out of my sister Annie's gmail account. I'm the one who loved this post.

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  18. So fun!!!! I LOVE Colorado! I live in Cali, but went to Colorado for college in Boulder. GREAT pictures...I had no idea you used a rebel, I thought you had a fancier camera, so you shouldn't feel insecure about your awesome pictures! Thank you for being so real and for sharing your struggles/emotions with us. I am proud of you for stepping outside your comfort zone and going to the workshop, that is totally something I would love to go to one day, so I could grow myself as a photographer (and creatively!)

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  19. Thank you for this- our little family is getting ready to move to a different state and I am kicking and screaming and fighting it completely! And did I mention I'm having a baby on Tuesday the 22nd? Yeah! Thankfully I have a very stable supportive (engineering mind) husband who has always balanced me out with his logic!

    I'm right there with you- it's almost an insult to our Heavenly Father when we say we can't do something! Then he gives it to us anyway and says "YES YOU CAN!"

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  20. welll, i like these shots. thanks for sharing your thoughts on creativity vs family....i've resigned creativity for this season, but i think it'll be a recurring battle.

    (not joking, when I typed "sharing" I accidentally typed "sharting" on my first try. thanks for sharting)

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  21. So this will be a long uncomfortable blog comment, you know how I roll...

    1. You rocked it with your Canon Rebel so who the freak cares about equipment!!!! Own it with that Rebel girl.

    2. I know the feeling. Just got back from a vacay that I LOVED but I literally almost had a panic attack on the plane ride home. This feeling of horror struck me and I just wanted to be home, safe, with my babies in my arms. It was the most uncomfortable yucky feeling then when I walked in that door and held them, it was all better. I won't be a world traveler anytime soon either. Not gonna happen.

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  22. I love all of your pictures! If you're ever in the Colorado Springs area again, let me know. We would love to have you take some pictures of our family!

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  23. These pictures are gorgeous friend. I'm glad you had a great time...and i love silhouette pic is one of my all time favorites.

    I love your honesty about the mixing of hobbies and your passions...so true.

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  24. I can not explain how much I look forward to your blog updates.
    You are so inspiring and amazing and Godly! I love that about you. i wish we could be neighbors, friends, sisters...whatever. I feel like we could talk all day and our kids could play, hubbies could grill and it would be perfect!

    I am excited to hear more about what you learned on your trip.
    It still amazes me how God can take a photo class and turn it into a life changing event.
    He is so marvelous!

    Blessing to you my sweet friend.

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  25. Jami, this post is so inspirational to me. It has been a dream of mine to get away to a photography retreat. One day it will happen. I absolutely love your pics. I can tell you were totally inspired to bring your creativity out. As far as advice on how to pursue your own passions, dreams and hobbies as a woman while being an awesome mom and wife that is totally present, connected and available...let me know when you figure that one out. I wrestle with that too.

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  26. Jami, I enjoyed this post very much. What a great opportunity to go to CO for this class. I can understand wanting to be home though. :)

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  27. you're so right about being sure to focus on what you're most passionate about, the hubs and kidsters. i continually have to remind myself that they are the priority and my blog and crafty whatevers can just wait. i needed to be reminded of that again, so thank you!

    you're pictures are really beautiful, jami.

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  28. These pics are beautiful! You are really shooting fantastic photo's lady. I think it's important you follow your desires and dreams and push ourselves sometimes outside what we feel comfortable with. Good for you. It's strange how much alike we are...are or at least how we like all the same things, hah. :)

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  29. I think it's always hard to be away from home, especially when you are prego! You got some great shots, very inspiring.

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  30. Great shots. I need that workshop. I know that "more than homesick" feel. It's so hard to explain. You do a great job of communicating the wrestling ons that going on inside you. Love that and wish I was better at it. I just get lost inside my own mind...not a good place to be. Anyways...this is getting long, but hey you told me you read every comment, right:)

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  31. i love them all, jami!
    next time we are going together. or i will just come to kansas and dub myself your 19th sister and have a partay.

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  32. I've heard that camera equipment is not as important as just knowing how to take good pictures.

    Your pics are lovely!

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  33. it looks and sounds like it was such an amazing time~ you got some seriously rockin shots:) i am going through this struggle too-chick! trying to weed out what is important and what can wait-- it's super tough for sure~ i guess we can do it all--but it's the balancing act that can get tricky...there just needs to be a few more hours in the day!:) happy weekend chick!

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  34. I feel that wrestling match to find a balance between all your heart's desires is a lifetime thing...I'm just glad that it brings us so much closer to Jesus!

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  35. I saw your belly on Erica May's blog. Yep. Stalking your stomach.

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  36. I LOVE your blog. And I LOVE your photography. Each photograph is absolutely stunning! I also LOVE your family.

    Yep, that's a whole lot of love!!! =D

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  37. i'm very off topic, but it's okay that i come to your blog to listen to your sweet jams, right?!

    good. because i like the way you roll.

    happy sunday afternoon.

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  38. jealous, but so happy for you!! how amazing...

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  39. Ok, miss popular. 36 comments??!!!

    Can I tell you I love you?? I laughed so hard, I agree with so many things you said, most of all, I am SO GLAD I've met you!!!

    Rest, pregnant lady. Be glad you won't have to fly again. I will, in 10 weeks. :)

    xoxo

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  40. Wonderful pictures Jami! Sounds like you had a wonderful time.

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  41. making babies is DEFINITELY a spiritual gift. haha.

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  42. Wow. I feel this exact way all the time. I want a career, I want to go back for my masters but the thought of my kids riding the bus to after-school every day makes me want to cry. The thought that my husband will be gone for the next year makes me feel like my kids need me now more than ever. It's tough.

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  43. totally! i hear ya. ebb and flow i think... i imagine holding threads of who you are without th eothers is the most impostant.. then in low tide/more time you pick that thread up and pull it harder. and i have been meaning to tell you for awhile--- i use my anti bacterial germ x stuff for deoderant all the time. it rocks. good instincts...:)

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  44. These are really great. Whatever happened there in Colorado for you translated well into these pictures. Love that they aren't over manipulated, shows the true strength of the lighting.

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  45. I wrestle with this question all the time. I know that I love my husband and our children more than anything else. I know that I chose to devote this portion of my life to raising my kids long before I ever even had them--like when I was 12.
    But I also know that sometimes I see other moms being amazing photographers or writing their amazing blogs and getting book deals and I get jealous.
    Cause I am home all day sweeping the kitchen floor all the live long day and they are on book tours, or heading out on photo shoots. And sometimes I want to do that to.
    But this is now and not forever.
    And they will never be little again.
    And that's why this is what I choose.

    As always, love your posts.
    Love from,
    Greta

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  46. love these photos!
    you are brave.
    i completely get your deal.
    (big smile for you)

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  47. Not gonna lie, its rare I find blogs that I like nowadays it seems. Honest. But you are a mix of fabulous, honest & open, and I'm already borderline in love. (Scary? maybe). I love a blog with beautiful photography, too. So, winner in my book.

    Thanks for sharing your story about your affair. My SIL also went through this (You commented on her blog today which is how I found you!). Your honesty is refreshening.

    Plus? Your bio? May have sold me. You love to cuss and you love jesus? A girl after my own heart.

    :)

    Following now!

    ~Katie

    LovesofLife.com

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  48. the last picture is the best.
    canon rebel for life.
    no for real, had mine for 6 years. still works. so whatev. love it. don't even know how to use it properly.
    anyway.
    about what you said.
    there is this pull between the world and us. it's like we see our "dreams" and want to achieve them.
    but our lives, our husbands, our children, our faith. they are the true dreams.
    i once dated a guy who wrote music and sang and played. he did great, could have made it on American Idol (okay I joke, he could have probably made it in the indie music world). but it was like he couldn't go further. and i told him it's a blessing God doesn't allow him to go further. pride/money/success changes people. so this incredibly LONG "A" comment you do NOT have to publish is just to say, keep taking pictures and loving the life God has cut out for you.
    the end.

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  49. I've followed the Parsons for over a year and then just saw this on your blog as well. Blogging comes full-circle. Also, so jealous you went!

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