Monday, January 24, 2011

annnnnnnd i'm back. too many vay-cay's for this hermit.

i think we all love to come home to clean house after traveling. i say like but i really mean wish. after traveling for 2 weeks out of the 4 in the month of january, my house is a wreck. and also, i have no motivation to clean it. bummer of a combination. i belive i'll just take my cue from the dog and lounge it up.
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clearly lila is disturbed by the state of our house...poor thing, she can't talk, but her actions speak so loudly. please mother, don't let me live in this filth. i'll get my fake vaccume out and help you.
that thoughtful platypus.
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but really, this is what my room looks like after unpacking, repacking, throwing all of my maternity clothes out of their bins and yelling I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR! and then storming off to target at 9:30pm the night before each trip.

i suppose there will be another week before anything actually gets picked up.
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now i know you really want to see pics of me and emily being completely stupid on my little triparoo to visit her. i assure you, we were super mature the whole time. we did not take pictures in IKEA pretending to use thier kitchen utensils, sleep on their couches, and then get drunk in their living room. no, that never happened. we are mothers of small children, for heaven's sake.
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(not purposely matching...we're just besties...)

nor did we make a dance video. in a hotel room. in our pajamas.

nor did she make me swear to not fall asleep during harry potter and then she feel asleep 30 minutes later. i'm not into harry potter...this was sheer torture.

these things will be saved for a later post as i have to edit some video clips. and you know, i'm not doing anything today.

i will say this about airplane rides:  if you have to poop on the airplane, and your wife says, babe...we land in 20 minutes, you need to go now. 
and he says to you, no...i'm just going to focus on my breathing and wait till we land. (what does this mean anyway?)
don't believe him. especially if he's sweating a little bit.
because he's going to have to poop right when you land and the stewardesses are yelling, SIR, stop! take your seat! 
and he'll yell...i'm sick! i have to use the bathroom!
and she'll say, here! i'll give you this trashbag, but you have to go back to your seat!
and he'll yell, while sweating profusely, IT'S A NUMBER TWO! so that the whole back part of the plane can hear him.

and if you tell him to make sure and go to the bathroom again in the airport once you've made it off the plane (without being arrested for breaking landing rules), and he says he's ok. don't believe him, because on the way home you're going to have to make a poop-stop at the drury inn, a gas station that's closed, and a porta potty in an unsafe parking lot in the middle of the city where a drunk homeless man is yelling at you from across the street. (whom you later help up because he fell in the snow and couldn't get back up. and don't worry, when he fell, he kept the beer bottle up so as to not spill)
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but whatever, i mean, that is a very unlikely situation. it could almost never happen to anyone, so maybe don't worry about it. to all of nato's coworkers, this is a completely hypothetical story. for the rest of you, it's true.

like father, like son. if you remember that other little pooping debacle.

31 comments:

  1. hahahahah...i love this! oh and i have stormed off to target but not because i was pregnant (well, that too...) ...just fat! love this post, made me laugh!

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  2. I am dying this is hysterical. I love laughing at my husband. oops i mean with my husbdand

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  3. what's up with your people not being able to control their bowels? hilarious though. you should write a book. btw, i hate you for not loving harry potter...it just goes to show you're heart can't tap into your 'imaginative fountain'. just let it all go james...let yourself go there.

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  4. also, i have to wait for your approval to show my comment PLUS do the word verification thing. what is this? do i need to give you a blood sample too? ha. but seriously, slightly ridiculous.

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  5. oops, that's annoying...i changed it bee-otch. thanks for the heads up.

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  6. and this post is the exact reason why i read this blog. hilarious!

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  7. oh. my. word.

    funniest story ever. well, that and the other poop story :) thanks for brightening my Monday!

    enjoy your day off of doing nothing! isn't that what Monday's are for?!

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  8. Holy cow. You Natos have to be the most hilarious crew I've ever known! I feel terrible for Nato...I would absolutely 100% die if that happened to me. It honestly is one of my worst nightmares...right next to getting eaten by a dog.

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  9. so funny! love the pic of you and emily. will we see the ikea pics?

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  10. i agree with audrey about harry potter.
    and dammit i can't believe i fell asleep after i made you promise to stay up.
    and please don't post any videos without my permission.
    i will CUT you if you do.

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  11. I just laughed so hard that I'm crying (including a runny nose I'm laughing that hard...I'm sure that made your day brighter just picturing it)

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  12. Would it make you laugh if I told you that your photo of your messy bedroom was just added to my collection of pictures of what I want my house to look like one day. You thought it would gross me out...but how wrong you were...I saw your pretty house under all that mess and one day I might have a room just like that - mess included.

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  13. Poop? What's that, I don't do that.

    Anyways.

    Please stop going out of your way to make me jealous that,
    1.) You got to go have a fun time with your bestie.
    2.) I don't even SEE a baby belly in that picture. I have a bigger gut that you and I have no excuse at the moment.

    Oh and guess what, never once have I seen HP and my life is still as strong as ever. It's okay buddy, it's okay.

    xo and all that jazz.

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  14. Huh-larious! I can't actually laugh out loud because I have stitches in my mouth from a stupid dental procedure last week but if I could've I would've.
    Glad you had fun. Or something like that.

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  15. OH MY GOSH. I am seriously dying laughing over here on Campbell street. And then I sent the link to Jeff, because, let's face it... this could happen to us at ANY MOMENT. :) Love it.

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  16. Dude you crack me up.
    Nolan farted at lunch the other day which in turn made him bust into a huge belly giggles, then more farts ensued. Boys and there gassy, poopy bellies.


    xo

    PS:
    sorry I made you an elbow amputee in that picture, still friends?!

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  17. Hilllahrious! Target is my bff. I think I lived there when I was pregnant because I somehow managed to never have anything to wear either. And the airplane tip? Amazing. Thank you.

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  18. Wait. Is this the same GQ, metrosexual, cardigan-wearing Nato we were just discussing a couple of weeks ago?? Also, are you wearing JEWELRY in that picture with Em?? What the heck? All of the things you've made me believe about your life are turning up false. ;)

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  19. how are you so gosh darn tiny all the time!?! and the pictures of clothes everywhere totally overwhelm me because i feel like in the morning before i leave for work, and when i get home, but i never have the energy to do anything about it! gotta love being an adult...

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  20. I really have to stop reading while I'm at work...I can't seem to hold it in. OMG, too freaking funny! Can't wait to see video from your trip.

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  21. hilarious story! (maybe not when it was happening...but I'm sure it's funny now.) I'm terrified to even go #1 on a plane...:) And I'm right with you on Harry Potter--torture.

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  22. you {at 20 something weeks} look like I did the day after I found out was expecting.

    also. thanks for the realness. and the post about keeping it real {the butter and crisco one}.

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  23. oh my gosh that is the funniest story!! you two look like you had a blast-friends are awesome aren't they? how do you guys know each other?

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  24. Did he really say "ITS A NUMBER TWO!" oh man. also, how is it possible that your messy house still looks so dreamy! not depressing at all. Oh, I bet it's the natural light. That's what i get for living in a basement.

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  25. I nearly did a number one laughing at this post!

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  26. Thank-you so much for visiting my blog and I'm now happily following yours back. What a great and hilarious post. I can't wait to read more!

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  27. you guys are cute..... i love that you showed your room.... my basement looks like that right now!

    i am happy for em that you were there w/ her.... i know what it means to have your bf there.... good for the soul.

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  28. Ahahaha. What is it with men not being able to hold it in? I can not go for days, for the sole reason that I am TOO BUSY. He's got to go and the whole world better stop so he can find a restroom.

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  29. Yup, crying.....laughing so hard, i'm crying. Not like the crying Nato was doing looking for a bathroom but out-loud-laughing-so-hard crying. Thanks....needed that.
    Belly bump looks fabulous and can't wait for the pics of you and Em (like I know you, just a blog-stalker, but whatev). Thanks again for the laugh!

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  30. Dude. When you have to go you have to go! One time coming home from fireworks. I . . . I mean my friend, heard nature calling. Not just calling SCREAMING. So bad so that I almost made my husband. . . her husband pull over. The grass was looking mighty fine. Who cares that all of the people driving home from fireworks would see me. . . i mean her.

    This person panted and sweated and cried the entire way home. It was like child labor. It was pathetic. Good thing my kids. . . her kids. Aren't old enough to make fun.

    ps. I totally realize what I am missing in my home. A DOG.

    A. To make the mess look cute and usable.

    B. To blame the mess on him.

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  31. Oh my goodness.
    This was ridiculously funny & fabulously written :)

    Here's to being as honest & 'sharing' as you much as you do!!
    :)

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