Monday, September 20, 2010

the watch. the dang watch.

ok so my computer that i do all my picture editing and loading on has gone koo-koo. so this post won't be all frilled up. but i feel like i still need to blog, even though i can't do it like i normally would. this is good for me. it reminds me that blogging isn't about show and tell, as much as it is about marking down memories and telling our story.

speaking of memories, you all remember the mess we've gone through a couple years ago? even though our marriage is stronger than it's ever been, there are still things about that mess that will stay with me forever. i don't mean to sound gloomy. these memories don't define me, they don't rule my life, they are just there. because we're human and we mess up. there are choices we make that can't be taken back.

i'll be more specific. a long time ago, nato came home with an expensive fossil watch. it was around the holidays. he made up this story about how "so and so" gave it to him because "so and so" got it for christmas and he just didn't like it. wow, i thought, that's not really your style but it is really cool that it's free. people are so wasteful... and hello, you all know how much i love free things and bargains. so i took his word for it.
Photobucket
these pics are right before the sh*t hit the fan(you can actually see the watch. OMG...i just noticed that.)
for two years, my husband wore that watch every day. it was a part of him. you know, when people wear something everyday, you tend to mentally affix that article in your memory as another appendage of them. i can still remember my dad's watch growing up. it glowed at night and i loved it. i would even play with it while sitting in church...from sheer boredom. my dad's watch is in my brain forever.

so back to the story, fast forward to around two years after my husband received the watch and this is when our marriage began to crumble. i found out my husband had an affair. actually, he had two. one towards the beginning of our marriage and the other farther into our marriage. so picture total DEVASTATION in our lives when all this came to the surface. we were then separated for a couple months. at that time, he decided he wanted to make it work and he came out with everything. and part of that "everything" was telling me that the watch was from the first woman. and that on his way home from work, he gave it to a homeless man on the side of the road. he obviously didn't want that reminder of sin around his wrist.

 i was so angry with him. anger is not the word, actually. betrayed is the word. de-valued, crushed, total loss of which way is up or down. yes, those are the words. he had worn that watch around for two years and i looked at it every day. it was like a slap in the face...with a soccer ball...on a cold day(that's the worst, just sayin'.). how bold he was in his sin! but more than that, i felt so stupid. was everything a lie? i mean, how did i believe that story about where the watch came from and how did i not just sense it was from another woman? it haunted me for a long time. even when we were back together and i forgave him for everything. the watch thing was difficult to bear.

like that first christmas we were back together. the only thing he asked for was a watch. what did i get him? everything else i could find BUT a watch. a couple days after christmas, he was joking with me and said, babe, all i wanted was a watch and you got me a million other things...haha! but guess who wasn't laughing and instead, stormed off crying? ya, me. i had to explain to him that it was hard for me to even look at the watches. i went into the watch section, but left promptly. emotionally, it was too difficult. i think i even cried in the store.

for this last father's day, i found one of his old watches and put a battery in it. i knew he wanted a new watch, but again...i couldn't bring myself to do it. i remember when i gave him that gift. he looked at his old watch kind of confused like...oh. OH, ok...ya, i love it!...thanks, babe. we didn't talk about it. he knew i wasn't ready yet.

our 5th anniversary is the 23rd of this month and his 30th birthday is the 29th. it all seemed fitting  that i would buy him a freakin' watch. and when i was reading real simple this month, i saw IT. well, i think it's the women's version...but i saw this cheap and glorious watch from target(praise the Lord) and i wanted to buy something like that for nato. i couldn't wait. i went the next day.
nato
it was cheap and it was beautiful. an expensive watch wouldn't be something i would buy nato. this watch had my name all over it. that's right MY NAME, not anyone else's. and he'll have it forever, i mean, until it breaks. but for $15, i can get him another one. from me. get it? ME.

i love seeing it on his wrist. i love where we're at in our marriage. i know this is a marker in the road and it feels good.

mark nato, you are an exceptional man. you have made it clear that you are in this family forever. you honor God with your decisions and you honor me. i love you more everyday. plus you are also extremely good looking and talented...so it makes it easier i guess. but nonetheless, i would choose to marry no one else...even after everything we've been through. it's all been worth the pain and heartache. God has redeemed our mess. i love you.

and p.s. these things are indeed somewhat painful to write down. they are hard for nato to read and hard to know that people will know this about him and us. but i don't say any of this to throw my husband under the bus. my hope is that people are encouraged when they read our story and that Christ is glorified in our weakness. we are all that sinful. we all lie. we all mess up. we all do very hurtful things to one another. and that is why WE. NEED. JESUS.

37 comments:

  1. beautiful story. furthermore, a God story, beyond a Jami and Nato story. love you and love you even more for being so bold ... thank you, friend! you inspire and humble me.

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  2. Jami - thank-you for being raw and real with your situation and the very real feelings and emotions that go along with that. What a true blessing that you and Nato are strong and have a Christ centered marraige. Each day is a new beginning. Embrace that and embrace the one you are with in the literal sense :)

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  3. amen. yes we do all need jesus. a lot.

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  4. your words are raw and beautiful. thank you for being so open to your feelings. your story is going to help heal lots of people.

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  5. You are truly amazing! It's always encouraging to hear your story. I love you (and congrats on finding the perfect gift ;)



    random: word verification is yorside. you stay on yorside and i'll stay on mine :P

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  6. that's right people. she's my sister. she's cool like that.

    good job james. love your face. only your face.

    audrey

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  7. Love this post Jamie. For real, for real. Cracking up and tearing up all at the same time.

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  8. i knew exactly what this post was going to be about when i read that title. that dang watch.

    YOU are brave...and i am proud to call you my BFF.

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  9. I love how real you are! Thanks for sharing your story!

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  10. Good stuff, my friend. Love that we can call the Natos friends. You guys are such a blessing.

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  11. Thanks for sharing and props to God for making your heart and heartache a field for harvest!!! Love ya!

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  12. What an amazing post, my friend. Thank you for being so brave. I love how God has shaped you and Nato's marriage and hearts from something that Satan meant to destroy. Go God!!!

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  13. so grateful for you. thanks for encouraging me to cling to Jesus as my only hope.

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  14. OK, This was beautiful Jami. I was crying at the end and am in awe of how honest and heartfelt of person you are. You wear your heart out for all to see and that does inspire and help others. It helps me to be OK with my sins and to learn to forgive myself. You are a blessing in my life. I am very happy for you and Mark. God heals all.

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  15. amen, sistah. "We are all that sinful". Although we may not share the same sins, we certainly all do sin. Kudos to you for putting it all out there. Thanks for the encouragement that lasting forgiveness is possible!

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  16. If anything, I'd say my thoughts of him (though I know you could care less) are high because of his honesty and willingness to fight for what was really important. However, your grace and strength is so inspiring. Thank you for your transparency and vulnerability. Your love for Christ and each other is so evident.

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  17. Aww, I love your watch story. Thanks for sharing your truth, it's pretty damn awesome :)

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  18. doggone. I didn't know what I was getting into when I clicked on your blog link from Ashley's giveaway email. Thank-you for having the courage to share all that you've been through, but more importantly, for sharing your faith.

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  19. dang girl. I'm blown away by your honesty and vulnerability. Thanks for being so faithful to the gospel and so willing to share what a great work the Lord has done!

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  20. grace...so amazing. i am in awe of the God who brought you all through this and carries you still!

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  21. I am in tears. This is beautifully written. I understand completely the emotions you felt, as I have felt those same ones. I praise our Savior that He has/is healing our marriage also. We are several years from "the mess" and we are so much stronger and better people because of it. The Watch is a good, tangible example of God's redemption, your and Nato's hard work, and how He will bring you through to feelings you never thought possible when "the mess" began. We each have our own "watches" to remind us of how far we have come. Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly. Many will be touched. Even husbands. May God richly bless your marriage, your husband, you and your children. Bless your and Nato's courage for sharing your beautiful struggle with us.

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  22. I'm reading your blog as I sit here in Brazil with my 3 boys while my husband is in AZ. This trip came at a point in our marriage where we've had a hard time relating to each other. In the midst of separation Jesus is working...I then I read your testimony and I'm in awe of God and the two of you- who have allowed God to move and minister to a wife and mom like me. Thank you, thank you so much for sharing.

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  23. what a beautiful story .Thank you for sharing. Wow! God is good!

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  24. I love this post - I LOVE it!! I love that you are so honest and courageous. I love that Nato gave his watch to a homeless man. I love that he went watch-less for a long time. I love that you replaced the battery in his old watch first. And I LOVE that for your 5th anniversary and his 30th birthday you gave him a perfect watch from YOU. God is so good. There are people up there who are already comforted by your words, and more importantly, your and Nato's actions and testimony to the grace & mercy of Jesus Christ. Love!

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  25. thank you for posting...you are a strong woman ! and we do need Jesus! I'm glad your marriage is going strong...it is such an awesome testimony.

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  26. I really admire you. Thanks for sharing.
    Amanda

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  27. I started to read everyone's post and I stopped. I just wanted to post my comment uninfluenced by the others. I knew you way back when, and you are very special. Thanks for sharing this, and I am encouraged to be open, and to blog with/out salt. RAW
    Blessings.
    Missy

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  28. Ok, so I found your blog through the Anderson's and found hers through Hill. Now that I got that out of the way.....I have to thank you for your truthfulness. We serve a mighty God who specializes in redeeming the broken.

    I believe I trust and love Jesus more now than ever because of all He has done in my life. And my husband. We were close to splitting. But, God had different plans. And I am so grateful He did:)

    allison

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  29. Up until tonight I just thought you were a funny girl who loved Jesus and cussed...it's a bit more huh?
    I am glad we have Jesus. I just keep thinking, there is no way to get through life without him.

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  30. I love that you mentioned honored in this post. I don't think we all do that very well, we promise to on our wedding day but then we don't follow thru. We can say we love... but do we honor, so very important!

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  31. Amen sister! I do see so much of Christ in your "mess" it's so beautiful. You are so beautiful to me, that you are forgiving and working through this and on your marriage. I admire you and I see so much courage in your journey, thank you for your raw story and strength to let others know that forgiveness can happen and it's hard. Thanks to your husband too for letting us see his sinful past and be encouraged by God's redemption! Praise Jesus!

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  32. This made me cry....the part about going to the store and not being able to buy one.

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  33. Wow, Jami, even without your ps on this post, it is so crystal clear how Jesus has worked in your all's lives! How incredibly amazing. Thank you so much for sharing your story. :)

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  34. Remarkable story. And so brave and beautiful that you would share it to help others. God really does repair!

    Tammy

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