Thursday, March 18, 2010

wanted:a playdate where layne behaves

i mean, it's not like i'm asking for a golden unicorn that pays my taxes and cleans my kitchen constantly. that would be crazy. no, i'm just asking for a playdate where layne doesn't completely embarrass me and act like a naughty vagrant child raised by rats.

today we went to crown center for a fun playdate with our buddies, amanda and McClean.

we got the kids ice cream...heck, it's spring break! layne wouldn't share with lila. poor, sweet lila...stuck in her stroller. anyway it was chocolate so of course layne needed to "poop" 1 minute after eating it. we made a trip over to the bathroom, where the mean toilet proceeded to "scare" him.
i'll falllllll in, mommy!
no, i'm holding you up. go poop.
no. i don't need to.
what? why are we here?
i don't know, mommy.

ok, false alarm. we escape the bathroom alive...and go play for 5 minutes. then layne informs me that he needs to poop again. we go and have exact same conversation as before. no poop.

we come out and were waiting on our friends while they went potty, so(although i was tempted to order a martini) i thought i'd grab a sweet iced tea to take the edge off the afternoon. we wait...and wait...and line because,naturally, there's only one worker servicing 15 people. right when i get ready to make my order, layne says loudly(so that everyone in line gives him attention),

mom, i pooped a little in my underwares.

then he sticks his hand down his pants, sniffs his fingers, and proclaims that he has poop on his fingers. OMG, dee-sgusting...this is not my child. everyone please stop looking at me. who is this chimpanzee calling me mommy?

so we go back to the bathroom, where he refuses to poop again. and his tummy is hurting because he is holding a load in. and by holding it in, i mean obviously prairie doggin' it.

after we go to the bathroom yet again, where he doesn't "drop the kids off at the pool", i go back to get my tea. but they are out and not making anymore that day! all out...imagine that. no, i do not want plain, nasty tea.

ok, da**it to hell, i'll just get two cinnamon bagels and a water in exchange. she gives them to me(in slow poke mode). and when we later decide to eat the bagels....they are PLAIN. layne throws a fit. honestly, who the cuss eats a plain bagel? so ticked. bad day.

rest of the play date layne:
throws fits.
wants gum.
wants gum.
tells me he doesn't want a hard spankin' when we get home.
wants gum.
wants goggles.
desperately wants a spanking.

please don't be surprised that lila was a sweet angel sent from heaven above as all this is happening. lila, please stay a baby forever.
Posted by Picasa


  1. i just got yelled at b/c i couldn't stop laughing my butt off while my husband is watching an upsetting basketball game. how dare i laugh at a time like this? anyway, thanks for the belly laugh!

  2. sorry i missed the big spring break outing to crown center...annie was busy dropping her own kids off at the pool! whooo-ahhh! we are getting the potty training thing DOWN!

    please know 2 things: 1) layne's poopy fingers do not reflect on the quality of your motherhood because you are a great one 2) i love layne nato...he is a sweet, sweet boy!

  3. you are welcome to come have a playdate in the privacy of my home where we have a not-so-scary toilet. my kids {and i} would love it.
    love, jenn

  4. let little layne know that next time i see him and i don't shake his hand, to not be offended.
    i don't want any poo on my hands.

  5. man, i'm sorry i missed out on that fun!

  6. LOL!!!!!!!!! It's like reading my life!!! Can't wait for us to become BFF's (and our sons too ;) ).(BTW, Jaymin has the same brown tee about messy monsters, or something or other - we must be destined to be mom friends.) :) Thanks for the laugh. Its so much funnier when its happening to someone else. :)

  7. Holy freakin' cow. That's the most hilarious thing I've read in a loooooong time.


leave a message after the beep.